simona3031's Journal

   I am a writer. Poetry is my outlet.  In retrospect of my life, these may help to explain my emotional state.  These were written in April of this year.  I've poetry that goes back YEARS, and it ALL follows a similiar pattern.  The fact that I write these usually when I'm not hurting. When you get hit by that first tornado, your taken by the excitement and the adrenaline. You feel ALIVE, feeling, and aware. You almost wish you couls experience it again just to make sure it was real.  When the tornados come without warning 4-6 times or more a week, wrecking havoc, you kinda get used to it.  It's the quite times....the anticipation, the fear, the not-knowing that eats away at you. For it is the quite times, the "GOOD" when I am most afraid. The calm before the storm. The cold front before the "heat" clashes and BOOM. In the eye of it all again.  I almost hate and dread the down time. Like a storm chaser, I know the dangers....I just cannot seem to look away. But oh! The passion is great. Just as HIGH as the lows are LOW, and no shades of gray in between.  Have I become so numb, that the drug of my apparent choice must increase for me to admit I have a breath? To thine own self be true?? True what? Statistic? Again?

Forced to maintain a wall

Protection from decete

And yet some always slips through

Like weeds through cracks in concrete.

A little mortar added

With the little lie you tell

A patch that only lasts so long

As the cracks of hurt continue to swell.

Eventually you'll find

The wall is falling down

All defenses blown

Door, bed, bottle, gown.

_____________________

One eye sees the glory

One eye sees the truth

The heart works the pain

The mind plays the sleuth.

Once bitten, twice infected

By the jaded bug

All the backwash of my life

Hidden in the bottom of the jug.

Smoke rings floating above my head

Nail in the coffin is what's said

Inhaling the pain

Into a spirit that's long since dead.

_____________________

Is it cold in here?

I cannot see

When I open my eyes

Opaque black is in front of me.

Tears distorting the path of life

Obstacles in my way

Never enough tissues

To wash away the gray.

Scenes playing on the back of my lids

My life in retrospect

Evil closing in on me

Defenses cannot detect.

Noone has my back

Watching out for mine

There is nothing wrong with me

I am doing just fine.

Cannot blame the world

For what I choose to take

You cannot lose everything

When you've nothing left to stake.

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