Journal

I try to not get down and feel sorry for myself nor do I want others to pity me. Thats why I dont talk about all that is wrong with me I don't want others at times to know how bad I really feel. I am one if you ever talk to me that can laugh through anything and just have a blast even though most of the time the pain is bad. I have a doctor who tells me when I die I will be laughing. I do hope this is true I really enjoy laughing. Seems like the closer I feel like I am nearing my time of not being here anymore the more I enjoy each and every little thing each day. Most of my contact is here on the internet but oh what tight bonds I have forged. The love is so strong and so is the attachment. It amazes me how I can be so attached to someone I may have never met in person but yet our spirits are so very bonded. I can actually feel ya'll and I know you do me too. My senses are so strong now. I don't take anything for granted. When I hear I Love you I hold it so dear to my heart. When I see one of you smile or here you laugh my heart smiles and laughs with you.

Someday if the Lord does decide to take me on home and of course it will be his decision then I will be waiting for ya'll to all join me when you time here is done. Then no more computer screens between us no more hugs through the internet virtual..Then it will be face to face. Oh what a wonderful day that will be my dearest  friends and family...Love you All!

Sorry it's taken me awhile to write this I have been a bit under the weather with my health but wanted you all to know how good GOd was to me and how he answered all the prayers that was sent up on my behalf.

I so appreciate all the prayers that all of you pray for me. I did get my insurance back through what they call the medwavier program. I still don't have the full time help yet but I am not complaining I do have help at least and for that I am so very thankful. I also will be able to remain in my home and not a nursing home..Hallejuiah praise God for that. I am just so thankful for this.

Even though there is some changes and things want be exactly the same at least God has gotten my over this hurdle and I am sure he will get me over others.

As for my health I have had some sort of stomach issues they have had me on clydimycin for the MRSA and sometimes the meds that help it is just about as bad as having the MRSA itself they have so many side effects so I am dealing with all Of that.

Thank all of you wonderful friends and you guys that are my family for all the prayers and all you did to help make this possible for me. I couldn't of did it without God and you guys. I am so blessed. And for all the calls and letters you wrote theres no way I could of done this on my own!!! I am ever so greatful to still be sitting here at home typing away..Thank you God and Love and thank you guys..

In Life there are times that we all feel different things. So many emotions we have that God has given us.....Right now I am facing many challenges. Doing my best not to lose Faith or Hope because I really won't get any where without the two.

I am so tired and weary right now. With my OCD brain and all that has taken place for the past two weeks I cannot seem to shut myself down. OH I will feel sleepy yet when I try to go to sleep my brain is in over drive. I am averging sleeping around 3 hrs or less in a 24 hr period. THe rest is spent thinking and playing over and over wondering what is going to happen to me in this situation that I don't have control of?

Right now I don't have the answers but I do know that God knows what the answer to this situation is.  This morning I was laying in bed around 3a.m. praying. I had just finished reading God's words then began to pray. I was asking God to help see me through all of this. All at once I heard plain as day BE STILL...I have no doubts that was God telling me to sit tight and quit fretting so much about this to set back and wait for the answer..Because even if I don't see a way out of this God I know that you know the way and if I will Be Still and listen and await for what God has in store for me...The Lord has blessed me with giving me people who love and care about me. For this I am truely thankful.

Even though I am so tired and weary and facing many trials and tribulations I am not alone in this..It sure helps just knowing that..

Lord thank you for allowing that small voice to reassure me and let me know I need to just Be Still and wait upon you..Lord continue to give me the strenght it takes to get through this..Take care of those who Love me and are trying so hard to help care for me. Give them strength and peace of mind. I ask this in Jesus most blessed name AMEN!