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mianutzy 
12:01pm, September 30, 2009
Yesterday I got triggered when I saw several folks being suicidal online at ds when I came back for the first time in days.... it is not their fault I got triggered. Only I have the power to choose to let myself feel triggered. Two members here thinking of suicide I feel close to... and I am worried sick for both of them I was relieved today to get a pm from one of them that said he/she was going to the dr today. I wish that that person well as she is a sweet person and is dealing with so much.
This is a bad time of year for me to be online here at ds.... I lost a friend to suicide years ago when he decided to off himself like his mother did (same method, and even the same spot) . He just drove to a vacant lot and used the car exhaust to off himself. He had a large family to support (he was a mormon) and was bankrupt. He also worked at the local cemetary home picking up bodies and he trained me to work for a suicide crisis line. He was a nice guy and affected many folks at the cc line by choosing to off himself that october night.
This time of year is the one of the seasons of the year when suicide rates go up and calls to suicide lines go up. For that reason and the fact that I have a full plate here (pain issues, sleep disorders, trigger memories of past events, fathers alzheimers progression) , it is for the best that I limit my time being online. I will try to keep up my journal, but long periods online here at ds just aren't healthy for me.
I am at pogo.com more however... so if anyone wants to reach me, my profile name there is mianut. Hugs to all my friends here. Keep fighting and seek appropriate help when you need to. Give yourself extra tlc this time of year and work closely with your care team and support folks offline ... because online on groups like ds can only do so much for severe depression.
I will check in for short periods here and there at this place...
love and hugs to all, mia (mianutzy)
aka mianut (at pogo.com)
The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
Euripides Greek tragic dramatist (484 BC - 406 BC)
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Mia,
I understand completely sweetheart. When you are having many issues of your own, being on DS a lot isn't always a good thing. Sometimes you need to take a break from it all and just take care of yourself and your own needs. I count myself very blessed that I have battled and finally conquered my depression for good. Being in that position makes it possible for me to help as many people as I can and not have to worry about losing myself in the process. I'm not saying that I don't have some down days because I do, but I have the strength and support I need to make it through those low spots and my friends here on DS like yourself are always here to back me up. For that I am eternally grateful. You take care hun and look after yourself okay? I'll be here for you anytime you need a friend to talk to. Stay strong, keep fighting and get well. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And yes, acknowledging the great powers around us is such a great way to really appreciate the wonders of life. For me it's cobras, wolves and big cats (especially tigers) that help keep me "grounded" when I'm in times of doubt and puts me in awe of God's creation. Take care and may God rain his many blessings down on you my dear friend.
Love Always,
Chris
SUICIDALNOMORE
I'm so sorry that you were triggered. Take care of you first and we will be here when you're ready to come back.
browneyedgrl
I can understand the not coming here often. I don't as much anymore either and when I do it is mostly to check/send hugs and messages.
Take care of yourself!
mystie
Just an update... I am doing ok. The break is helping me. I have been busy doing art and playing pogo. . Oh I get my cpap machine on tuesday so I shall hopefully be getting better sleep soon. Hugs to all
mianutzy
Take care of yourself, I understand needing to take a break from DS. I find myself doing the same thing. Big Hugs
Friend19
Please take care of yourself and I understand that you need a break.I am always here for you.HUGS
Liz65