mianutzy's Journal

Every day I take a bunch of pills.  All of them legal. I know I feel better when I am on them, even the side effects beat how bad I felt prior to being on all the meds I am on now.

Here's my list of pill  by name...

the big guns...

celexa

buspar (2 tabs a day)

hydrocodone (from 0-4 a day, avg 1-2)

clonezapam (as needed)

doxepin (3 caps)

and starting tonight.... TRAZADONE

and my supplements...

B 100 complex

cranberry extract/buffered C

buffered vitamin C

Vit D

Omega 3 fish oil (3 caps a day)

magnesium

I avg 16 to 20 different pills a day!

So I went to the psych dr on thurs and he felt I needed trazadone for the chronic pain and sleep problems, as well as the depression. Also may help the ocd. (*off label uses) Then

also he is upping my dose of celexa.

Part of me thinks it is not going to help to up the celexa and add the trazadone. The pain from my hernia issues is my biggest problem and worsens all my other disorders by triggering anxiety, depression, and the sleep problems. Even my ocd gets triggered when pain hits me. The med cocktail  make me a zombie. But hey I am game to try.

I found myself wondering about trusting the dr on this, and worrying about side effects.

Even feel a bit angry and paranoid that the dr prescribing the psych meds may end up makiing me crazier. LOL I guess it wouldn't be too bad, although if it triggers manic stuff I think that could be very scary. I tend to be on the depressed side... almost always low and blue when I am dealing with the damn pain.

Hopefully the meds will help and not hurt me further. I have already been hurt by drs too many times from being misdiagnosed and mistreated, to even abuse by a few drs and staff. I  am supposed to try and trust the drs, but it is very hard to do so after all that happened to me last year.

Lately I have been stuck on horrible...  so I need to try the newly tweaked cocktail and see if it helps. But I will be anxious.  Times like this I wish I were normal (lol whatever that is) and not need to take meds to help me manage my disorders and stay alive and remain in the game fighting for life.