Another disease to the chart...
My dr called tonight. I am now officially a diabetic. I am not surprised but frustrated. I had warn the drs that I had …
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mianutzy 
12:01pm, September 30, 2009
Today I find myself seriously considering the lap band surgery. I saw my medical notes today, dr says I am now morbidly obese and without bariatric surgery my health will probably never improve. Said on my chart either pre-diabetic or diabetic.
I don't know what to do. I would like to try to do the diabetic diet again, as it worked for me when I was younger. But no that I am older I don't know if what worked then could work now for me.
Also because I have a lot of abdominal pain and two bad hernias needing to be fixed, it is possible the surgery could eventually help me to feel better.
I am scared about the post op diet. First 2 weeks just clear liquids. Then weeks 4-8 pureed foods. Then move to soft foods. No fiber foods. And sticky foods I guess, like pasta/breads.
I have had problems with eating disorders since 4th grade. Done many things to lose weight, from starving , to bingeing/purging, and crazy crash diets. My shelf has many diet books on it. But here I am now, 70 pounds heavier then I was when I was discharged from the residential treatment center/psych unit last year after starving myuself because of pain initially.
Now I have a dr who want to operate on me and make it easier to be anorexic again. That scares me and bothers me. Why can't I be allowed to try a program like weight watchers (too expensive and insurance won't cover it)? My dr wants the weight off quickly.
I fear I will die without losing the weight. But I also I will die if I lose it unsafely. Is medically induced starvation my only hope for a better life? Is it safe enough. Do I want to risk it.
Tonight as I was sitting on a bench at costco I watched people, some heavy like me.
I found myself feeling critical towards those folks who were heavy like me and wondering if they also felt sick and had a lot of pain and health and psych issues. I found myself quickly turning my criticism inward towards myself.
Today in DBT group we discussed emotions. I realize now I have a lot of emotions going on but I am often mindless about it. My feelings about my weight issue are many... from anger, guilt, shame, sad. All negative. I see myself as ugly and worthless whenever I get hung up about my weight problems.
I am angry at myself for not continuing to starve myself, allowing myself to gain back the 50 pounds I lost by starving and an additional twenty pounds. When I wasn't eating because of the pain and ocd/psychosis I had last year I was scared to death as my weight dropped and I started to have symptoms like hair loss, blood pressure problems, joint pains, feeling cold. Now here I am thinking about altering my gi tract with a band around my stomach so I cannot eat too much at any given time. Seems awfully close to the anorexia I had struggled to overcome last year.
So do I starve myself to save myself? Is it my only hope like the dr seems to think. Or should I get stubborn and fight to prove the dr wrong, that I can lose weight and get healthier without the surgery. And I am 46 yo, and one website I read tonight states the cutoff age for the surgery is 50yo. So if I want this option, I don't have a lot of time to go for it.
There are young gals who are skinny or normal weight who see themselves as fat... and do stupid things like starve themselves or crash diet like I did. I wish I could make them understand that severe eating disorders like anorexia can lead to future problems with obesity for some folks. I wish today I hadn't tried so hard to lose weight as a younger person. I feel I am paying a price now for what I have put my body through all these years. I cannot stop blaming myself for not being able to succeed at keeping my weight down forever.
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I have a friend back east who has had it and he thinks it was great. but at the same time I have heard some real horror stories.
Definitely check it out.
dragonfyre
i think you should follow your dr advise he must have some serious conserns about your health to suggest this. read up on it not so much as you become overwhelmed. and i personally think the lady in the pic is beautiful that is what a woman is suppose to look like. so sorry your so stressed about this our health can be such a scarey thing peace and hugs
slkmom
I think she is beautiful also. I love this picture with her looking in the mirror.
I lost a friend who died 8 wks after a gastric bypass (the operation Al Roker had). She was only 44 yo.
My concerns are the fact you are essentially fasting, 2 weeks on just broths and diluted juices is pretty much a fast. Not much protein, carbs, fats.
Hard to believe last year the dr was telling me to eat because I was so malnourished, and now he is wanting me to starve.
mianutzy
that type of surgery leads to malnutrition, vitamin and mineral deficiencies and can seriously effect energy, memory, and overall health that could suffer as a result of said deficiencies. Overall, I think it's far healthier to be fat than to be thin this way.
I think you and your doctor and therapist need to work together to create a diet and exercise plan that will work for you. I know you have pain so swimming is good because it's low impact and the water is supportive. 1 in 200 patients who undergo lapband surgery die.. that's a huge number and your risk is greater with these other health issues.
you're right.. it IS medical annorexia- it IS starvation with all of the bad health effects that go with it.
hlks
Thanks for the info hlks. I wonder if I can tell the dr that instead of having the surgery, I can starve myself just as easy without the surgery. Its scary how I was able to not eat much for months and dropped weight as quickly as I did last year... and if I knew I could do it without getting ill again I would.
My therapist/case manager disagrees with the dr. Thinks the surgery is a bad idea for me, given what happened last year. Plus a lot of my pain is in the exact area this surgery will be invading.
mianutzy
your therapist knows better than the doctor in this case because of your mental state. a GOOD doctor would recognize that and respect it.
hlks
My husband had the lap-band about 18 months ago. He is able to eat like a normal person, only eat slower (to chew things better) and eat smaller portions. It is not like starving yourself. As far as the 50 year age limit. That is not true at our hospital.
diggingout
My older sister lost over 100 pounds using the old fashioned hasn't changed since the 1960s diabetic exchange diet after her doctor told her that she had developed diabetes. It took her about two years and she's kept most of it off. She says she FEELS better when she eats right. She was about your age as she is 50 now. If it worked for you before, odds are that it can still work for you. Hell, it might even work for me if gave it a go... Best of luck!
Mars
what is this diabetic exchange diet?
i also wanted to comment on what diggingout said- no matter what amount of food you actually eat (and 1 to 2 ounces is not eating like a normal person), because of the nature of the surgery the majority of the food just goes right through your system and you don't absorb most nutrients, vitamins, etc. this isn't my opinion, this is just fact and what happens... not right away, but long term, patients always develop deficiencies.
hlks
I was worried that people with mental illness couldn't undergo the surgery. However I'm seeing that that is not true. Going to a seminar on it at the hospital next week to see if I'm a qualified candidate. I think I'm just below the line. But does having sleep apnea count towards a health problem? Deeming the surgery medically necessary?
BipolarHeart