mianutzy's Journal

My father is lying again today. He has been acting silly again and I asked him if he had anything to drink and he says no.

So tonight I check out the places he usually keeps his stash and of course I find some newly purchased cans of beer hidden. I removed the cans of beer from his golf cart pocket and replaced them with soda pop and a bottle of water.  LOL he will be surprised when he is on the links with his buddies tomorrow, but he did promise to stop the damn drinking so I feel it is only right to help him keep that promise. Oh and the beer in the other hiding spot is also moved now to a secret location . I plan to dump the beer later when he is out.

This drinking problem is creating problems for him because of his alzheimers dementia. He also is not supposed to be drinking alcohol on his new medication either. I wish he would really work hard to stop the drinking because I do feel bad that he has choosen to spend the time drinking rather than being sober with his family. Plus many times when he drinks he becomes angry and occassionally he is verbally abusive towards me . I have low self-esteem issues and these get triggered. I even find myself sometimes blaming myself for his choosing to get drunk.

He is depressed but he refuses to get treatment for it. I believe depression is part of alzheimers. Things started going downhill for him a few months before I was hospitalized because I was suicidal. During my hospitalization he didn't take care of himself well at home when he was alone. He needed me to be there and I wasn't there because I was too sick to help either of us.

Tomorrow he will probably forget he purchased beer and put in his golf cart. Or he will think he drunk it all. One good thing about alzheimers is he sometimes forgets how much beer he has stashed away. LOL Unfortunately the disease also takes away his judgement and he forgets how much he drank, and will do stupid things like try to drive somewhere.

The worse part of his drinking combined with alzheimers is that I feel like I am sinking into the situation I was in with my mom (she was psychotic and hallucinated most of her days). That feeling  of not being able to control things or to help the person who is behaving crazy or confused. I am getting flashbacks and the stress rises when my father is drinking.\

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.   Michael J. Fox