learningtolove17's Journal

Amanda...

I love you. I keep saying it over and over because there's nothing else I can think of to say. I can't believe you're gone.

You know, I knew that you drove crazily. I knew I needed to tell you to slow down and be safe. But I didn't, because you're Amanda and nothing bad can happen to you.

How wrong was I...

I can still feel you in my arms that first night. The night that I was at your place, and you asked me to sleep with you instead of the other bunk bed. Damn that mattress was small, haha. But the smaller, the better [not what she said]. I remember we started talking, and you got closer and closer until your head was on my chest. And I have to admit, the feeling of your arm across me is probably the best feeling I've ever experienced.

I remember your orange, puffy jacket. It highlighted you in the hallway.

I remember waiting for you next to your Spanish class outside. I remember how when it was cold, your hugs would last for a few minutes.

I remember what it was like to kiss you for the first time. Your lips were so soft, so cool. We were standing by Mr. Holland's room, and by your locker. And you caught me by surprise.

I remember what it was like with your arms around my neck, and mine around your waist; you felt so solid and warm. I never wanted to let go, and you never had a problem with just standing there with me.

God, do I miss you... you were the reason I came out. My first girlfriend. My best friend.

And I don't know how to live without you...