learningtolove17's Journal

Kellie stayed the night last night. We decided to go for a midnight run to taco bell. Which is 45 minutes away. ...We got there 16 minutes after they closed.

We came back and went to bed pretty quickly. It was... weird. It was the first night... ever... that I didnt fall asleep in her arms. Even while we've been broken up.... the first night...

This morning I got up at 7 to watch the dogs. [with 3 hours of sleep]. Kellie came downstairs at about 9. She fell asleep and I fell asleep, me with my head on her back while I was sitting up and she was laying down. And at one point we were both somewhat awake and she asked me why I didnt just lay with her. So I did. We both laid side by side on the couch, her arms around me.

Then we woke up and had sex lol.

And that was basically it. I mean she was happier than she's been, but at the same time... God, I miss us. I miss her wrapping her arms around me and KNOWING she's mine. 

I keep thinking about those promises she made. The one she'd never EVER leave me. The one where she was going to marry me. The one where I could trust her with my heart... 

What happened?

I've just been so sad for the last few days. I  was really hoping last night would cheer me up. But it didnt. Not really. I love the time with her, but I need more than just friendship. I need it...  I hurt so, so much....

God. Everytime I breathe I just feel this weight. This heavy, painful weight...

Please.... just bring her back to me. Im so tired of acting like we're dating when we're not. But at the same time, I'll take it over not acting like it at all. But last night...

whats happening?