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learningtolove17 
1:05am Thursday
I'm not okay.
Comments
Hey Amanda,
You know, I don't know what to say. I've been carrying on like nothings wrong, like I've accepted everything. Like I'm okay. I go to work, I hang out with friends, I even look people in the eyes... and then I break when I'm alone.
How can you be gone? Dead. Its such a... permanent word. An ugly word. A word I'd never use to describe you. I mean why would I? It doesn't feel like you're dead...
Halloween is on Saturday. Last Halloween, you dressed up as marylin monroe. You came to my party. You were cold sitting outside, so I gave you my jacket. And then we all went inside and watched scary movies. I was hoping you'd sit next to me.
Then we watched Juno and you laid next to me on the air matress. You ended up putting your head on my chest and falling asleep. I can still feel your body on mine. I loved running my hands through your hair... you always smelled so sweet....
Later that night, you woke up and we ended up talking half the night away...
I can't have another party this year. I'd miss you too much. Way, way too much....
God Amanda.... why aren't you here anymore? Its not fair. You know that? Its not fair. You always told me that it was always me who was there for you, that you needed me... Amanda, I need YOU. I need you so much more thann you can ever imagine. I nneed to talk to you, I need to vent to you, I need you to make me smile annd to make me laugh and to remind me how great life is. I need you in my life Amandna. So where are you?
I need you....
Comments
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oh sweety i wish i could help u out on this, but it is so hard to say goodbye to a loved one that has passed away. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
hugs nae'
Amanda...
I love you. I keep saying it over and over because there's nothing else I can think of to say. I can't believe you're gone.
You know, I knew that you drove crazily. I knew I needed to tell you to slow down and be safe. But I didn't, because you're Amanda and nothing bad can happen to you.
How wrong was I...
I can still feel you in my arms that first night. The night that I was at your place, and you asked me to sleep with you instead of the other bunk bed. Damn that mattress was small, haha. But the smaller, the better [not what she said]. I remember we started talking, and you got closer and closer until your head was on my chest. And I have to admit, the feeling of your arm across me is probably the best feeling I've ever experienced.
I remember your orange, puffy jacket. It highlighted you in the hallway.
I remember waiting for you next to your Spanish class outside. I remember how when it was cold, your hugs would last for a few minutes.
I remember what it was like to kiss you for the first time. Your lips were so soft, so cool. We were standing by Mr. Holland's room, and by your locker. And you caught me by surprise.
I remember what it was like with your arms around my neck, and mine around your waist; you felt so solid and warm. I never wanted to let go, and you never had a problem with just standing there with me.
God, do I miss you... you were the reason I came out. My first girlfriend. My best friend.
And I don't know how to live without you...
I love you. I keep saying it over and over because there's nothing else I can think of to say. I can't believe you're gone.
You know, I knew that you drove crazily. I knew I needed to tell you to slow down and be safe. But I didn't, because you're Amanda and nothing bad can happen to you.
How wrong was I...
I can still feel you in my arms that first night. The night that I was at your place, and you asked me to sleep with you instead of the other bunk bed. Damn that mattress was small, haha. But the smaller, the better [not what she said]. I remember we started talking, and you got closer and closer until your head was on my chest. And I have to admit, the feeling of your arm across me is probably the best feeling I've ever experienced.
I remember your orange, puffy jacket. It highlighted you in the hallway.
I remember waiting for you next to your Spanish class outside. I remember how when it was cold, your hugs would last for a few minutes.
I remember what it was like to kiss you for the first time. Your lips were so soft, so cool. We were standing by Mr. Holland's room, and by your locker. And you caught me by surprise.
I remember what it was like with your arms around my neck, and mine around your waist; you felt so solid and warm. I never wanted to let go, and you never had a problem with just standing there with me.
God, do I miss you... you were the reason I came out. My first girlfriend. My best friend.
And I don't know how to live without you...
Comments
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wish there was something i could say something to take away your pain, but i think it's good for you to write your feelings to her! hugs nae'
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I'M SORRY TO HERE THIS! IF U NEED TO TALK, I'M HERE
FOR U ! HUGS NAE'
fibonae