les4love's Journal

Sometimes I feel like I just need to stop and stand really really still while the entire world keeps spinning out of control around me...Like I just need to open my eyes as wide as I possibly can and take in every sight and every spectacle before everything crumbles around me.

Tuesday, a fifteen year old kid from one of the local high schools here in Vegas was shot in the head by a police officer. He was bipolar and off his meds, he and his mother got into a fight and it escelated over the course of an hour. The kid took four antianxiety pills and was really close to being calm when the police arrived. One of the family's friends called the authorities, stating that the boy, Tanner, was "a bipolar teen having a manic episode". He jumped behind his mom with a knife in his hand and, in less than a minute, one officer of the four squad cars that responded shot him in the head. One officer, one bullet. They didnt even try to talk to him, they just shot him and killed him instantly. That poor mom had to turn around and see her son's brains all over their front door. This event hits really close to home for me, I am bipolar and at one point in my life I can see myself in that situation. Its really a scary thought, to be in the same category as all these teens all over the country who are suffering and dying for this illness that we cant fix. Even controlling bipolar with medications is really hard and almost impractical. Lithium makes you a zombie, abilify is too risky, herbal supplements are a balance but not a fix...its too hard and its to the point where alot of bipolar kids dont even want to go through all the trouble. I myself am off my meds and have been for almost a year now, I still have my freakouts and my huge moodswings but mostly I'm just manic all the time. I cant sleep and I cant take pills for it because they make me hallucinate, I cant eat half the time because my body is so out of wack with my head...its really difficult and I'm so tired of just living with it.

But alas, the world seems to be a dangerous place as of yet and it seems like everything is just piling up on itself, one on top of the other and so on and so forth... so now I wait for the outcome to be something that I could be pleased with.