pozfem's Journal

The aide was here, I looked at the astro, things are weird for most anyone now. I was actually feeling better before than I was after the salt bath and the rubdown. My fear is a relapse back into bed, my fear is to relapse into depression due to the pain. I have to get the messages off the machine and call for an appt. That would be with my MRI in hand I think I take the MRI on the 18th

I really don't want to go down for thanksgiving to his relative but he promised me a hotel room so its only four hours each day in the car. I try to accomodate him, his family is becoming more important as he matures and realizes all the responsibilities that entails.  I do miss my nephew and want to become closer and enjoy an adult relationship with him via email for the most part. I want to feel part of the family. A part of me still feel guilty, I feel infected there. It's this thing looming over us esp since I brought art and mark over there they were such good friends and are both gone now. So I guess I will take it one day at a time if my body is hungry I will feed it if it is in pain i will take the meds. I got the celebrex even tho I was directed not to take it cause of liver and kidney problems but I need something to push the morphine and do not want to go up on the valium again and round and round it goes so I am taking the celebrex at night cause I hurt by the end of the day. Oh well I am wracked with pain in my back my hips and knees. The muscle and joint pain was relieved by the bath. My body want to sleep but then I can't sleep at night. I am just rambling. Well I don't want this to affect my job but it does. I am now drawn to what there is under the antartic and the spiritual signifcance of 23. When I focus on my metaphysical studies I am distracted from the pain somewhat.