pozfem's Journal

I went to the hiv doc the other day for my ace thats what they call your yearly exam. When I stopped smoking I weighed 235 and maintained that weight til I started the lithium I am now 269 very bloated. I have 4 plus pitting edema in my lower extremities and the venastasis is back. I have a hernia in my buddah belly. the muscles have torn thru the muscles they usually don't fix them. Evertime I go to wipe myself it can rip a lil more. So he is sending me for ulta sound, I swear that man is trying to get my liver anywhich way he can, he believes that getting the liver treated is the be all to end all. He believes that my belly is filling up with water, which can be dagerous for liver breakdown but he didn't raise my lassix

My shrinks feel it would be detrimental as I am not stabilized

yet. I am on 30 mg of valium a day cymbalta 30 mg and lithium 300 in am and 600 at nite and then the seroquel 150 at night is stoning me out. I am still on viread and trizivir. My CD4's are 421 he doesn't seem bothered by that and non detectable viral load and percentage is as usual 20%

He say the numbers stay low when you are co-infected. I didn't know that and will have to research it somewhere. So now I am half a zombie again and my favorite shrink in the world ever is gone. It doesn't show when I am writing cause I can correct it but when I speak I forget my words and I don't get complex concepts I get overwhelmed easily so I am going to the neurologi st. My husband is convinced there is something drasctically wrong, they mentioned tias, mini strokes

I swear if they can't regulate my depression by the holidays afterwards I am going to see about electro shock therapy.  

I saw the nutritionist no salt, well all I eat is TV dinners. My back is in sever pain especially with the added weight . I can't stand not being able to walk , I am going backwards I use a cane I need two I want to go back into a wheel chair since it is so painful but my husband is against it he wants me to fight. Well then I need a ppd from my local Dr. and I am going to talk to him about the fentanyl patches may he'll prescribe me them since I never abuse the morphine, In fact I have  a few bottle of morphine left, they are expired and there is lots of breakthrough pain too if I use it occasionally.

I saw the nurse and she said that I had no business driving in "my condition" between the neuropathy the pain the grogginess from the seroquel, that I would be putting myself and others in danger. So hiw do I go get my back fixed? Who drives me to the chiropractor?

I am supposed to go to the gym 3x a week for water therapy who is gonna drive me there?

the agency cut down to three rides a month

This is exasperating, I feel I came full circle and have ended up back at first base again maybe even worse because I used to be able to drive. This is not helping my depression or my pain.

I remain still alone on this mtn for the most part, saving my rides for therapy and the shrink.

Meantime the dog is supposed to go in and the cat to have his mouth cyst and her mammarian tumor removed. My husband said he would drop them off and I can pick them up. He just wants me normal again and is getting so tired of taking care of me. Oh finally he's out of denial about the lipodistrophy on my forearms becuse the doctore identified it, my word wasn't believable. All the medicine he studies aids or hep c are not his forte. I wonder why? He just has to get a monday off or they have to wait till my meds are regulated and my feet work.

 Well it sure is good to have a place to come and complain.