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Aurora1122 
12:26pm, March 15, 2009
March 15th, wow.....time is passing by so fast.
I'll admit it, I'm going through a depression and have been for a long time now. I dunno.....for some reason, I just don't wanna live no more.
It's because of my health. I keep getting stuff going on with my body that puts me in bed, and I use pills and stuff to try to ward off how bad I feel physically.
Deep down, I feel that if I eat healthy and work out like I used to, I can get back the energy I lost a long time ago when I had a nervous breakdown.......but I feel so far gone that I feel I would have to put so much effort into getting well again. I simply don't have the energy to, and when I do and I try....something goes wrong with my health and I lose all the efforts I put in,so when I feel like getting my health back, I think, "What's the use? Something is gonna happen to ruin this"
But time is passing, and I'm getting older and before you know it, my chances of becoming a mommy will be gone........
I pray and pray for God to help me, as I did earlier before writing this and I now find myself typing out my feelings. Maybe God is trying to tell me to type out my feelings and this will help me let go of some anger so I can heal.
I just don't have the energy to "live" and have been feeling this way for a few months now. All I so is live through my computer. I'm sad half the time, I cry a lot when I don't feel well.....everything feels like a chore and I don't feel like having company or going out.......yet, I'm lonely. And now I have a stupid throat infection and I feel like here we go again........
It's just one thing after another. I'm bored and want to start "living" but I keep getting side tracked by my health problems......I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I have a congenital disorder with my back and depression and an anxiety disorder. It all caught up with me in 2003 and since then, I've had to quit my career, and life's been such an up and down rollar coaster of troubles.
I don't want to die.......I just want to find myself again. I feel so lost. I find myself grieving my old life, and I dream about my old life.
This is rough........well....I'll just keep praying and blogging and hope. At least I have hope........hope that someday, I can begin a new chapter in my life with the help of God.......
Angelina
I'll admit it, I'm going through a depression and have been for a long time now. I dunno.....for some reason, I just don't wanna live no more.
It's because of my health. I keep getting stuff going on with my body that puts me in bed, and I use pills and stuff to try to ward off how bad I feel physically.
Deep down, I feel that if I eat healthy and work out like I used to, I can get back the energy I lost a long time ago when I had a nervous breakdown.......but I feel so far gone that I feel I would have to put so much effort into getting well again. I simply don't have the energy to, and when I do and I try....something goes wrong with my health and I lose all the efforts I put in,so when I feel like getting my health back, I think, "What's the use? Something is gonna happen to ruin this"
But time is passing, and I'm getting older and before you know it, my chances of becoming a mommy will be gone........
I pray and pray for God to help me, as I did earlier before writing this and I now find myself typing out my feelings. Maybe God is trying to tell me to type out my feelings and this will help me let go of some anger so I can heal.
I just don't have the energy to "live" and have been feeling this way for a few months now. All I so is live through my computer. I'm sad half the time, I cry a lot when I don't feel well.....everything feels like a chore and I don't feel like having company or going out.......yet, I'm lonely. And now I have a stupid throat infection and I feel like here we go again........
It's just one thing after another. I'm bored and want to start "living" but I keep getting side tracked by my health problems......I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I have a congenital disorder with my back and depression and an anxiety disorder. It all caught up with me in 2003 and since then, I've had to quit my career, and life's been such an up and down rollar coaster of troubles.
I don't want to die.......I just want to find myself again. I feel so lost. I find myself grieving my old life, and I dream about my old life.
This is rough........well....I'll just keep praying and blogging and hope. At least I have hope........hope that someday, I can begin a new chapter in my life with the help of God.......
Angelina
