Journal

I know i havent been on in awhile but school has been keeping me going 24/7. Classes start at 7:45am (means leaving the house at 6) and end at 4:00pm. After that we have sports for 2 hours so iv been getting home around 8... well busy day but so far im really loving my new school!

i hadent talked to my mom  in weeks when she finally decides to call me one night. She asked me if i wanted 2 spend the weekend with her, even though i already had plans with my friend i cancled them so i could see my mom for once. Of course the night b4 she tells me she "4got" that she had a camping trip. Well i ended up spending saturday night alone...again.

Anyway she called later that week and as always she asked me how i am hows school the usaul (while i can hear her playing solitare in the backround) and for the first time in my life i didnt say i was "fine" even though i was burning up with disapointment and hurt inside, for the first time i told her how i really was. I told her that i wasnt going to be her backup anymore that i wasnt going to be a way to pass the time untill another boyfriend comes along. I told her off for everything and when i was done i didnt wait for her to come back with her pathetic little "im sorry" phrase thats only meaning is to b a stitch for the wound that she going to slice open again any seccond, i just hung up.

Two days later she called back and she gave me the whole il try to be a better mother speech...not like i havent heard that one b4, well she sounded genuinly sorry so stupidly i gave her another chance. Well i decided to go spend sat. night at her house (we were playing soccer) anyway she said that she was gunna go out and see her boyfriends band and she finally decided to come back at 3:00am. Ya i came all the way to her house to spend the night with the telle, no i dont think so. Well thats not the best part, not only did i get to watch her put so much makeup on she could of passed for a hooker, no i also got the lovley suprise of seeing her waltz in at 3am completly drunk!

If its not my school its my mother if its not my mother...well you get the idea, it seems like iv found this amazing school that im exited to go to but my mom just has to....to ruin it. Sometime i wish i didnt have a mother and maybe then i wouldnt have to put up with so much of her crap.

I couldnt ever imagin being a mother and hearing my daughter say this about me. I hope oneday if i ever have kids i will proove to be a better mother to them than my mother ever was to me.

Thanks for listening, i really appresiate it!

Megan

So yesterday I made JV soccer but they were considering putting me on varsity, the reason they put me on JV is because there were not enough spots. I was actually happy to get on JV because if i had gotten on varsity i would have been a sub and almost never get to play any of the games.

Anyway so i went home and told my dad and he was happy for me although i think he was a little disapointed that i did not make varsity.

We then went out to dinner with Jenepher (dads gf) and i guess she was trying to be nice but she said:

"Well I really wasent expecting you to make varsity anyway."

and then went on to say that:

"If you had made varsity than it would have ment that the team was not very good."

Thats a little disapointing that she thinks that about me but i guess its better to know the truth of what they are really thinking:/

Anyway just a short little update I hope all of you are doing well!

Megan

Hi everyone!

Im going to try and make this short, i just thought i should give a little update here.

I spent the weekend at my moms house and it seems like everytime i go there she asks me for money. So this time i purposly did not bring any money so when she asked me i could say no and not lie (i hate lying to people:/) but when i got there what do ya know she asks me for money again! well finally i can say no but we had already decided to take my dog for a walk which ment that we had to drive up to my dads house to get him. We got there and she said she needed money for gas...well all of my money was at my dads house and she knows that so again i gave her money but she ended up spending most of it on laundry anyway! I cant help but wonder if she wants to spend time with me or she just wants to get more money from me...

Well at the end of the weekend we got into quite a big fight. She called me a spoiled brat and a few other things i dont care to repete. After awhile I got her to calm down and everything seemed fine but sudenly out of no where she just started atacking me again (verbaley) for no reason at all she just started yelling at me and critisizing me for...well just about everything. The way i stand, the way i talk, the way i look, the way i act around other people, how im an awful person for this and that. The list could keep going on for awhile but i guess I just dont see what I did to be treated like this... Anyway I have decided that I dont want to go back there again. I know when people are just "using" me because iv been treated that way a lot by many difrent people before and I dont want my mother comming near me if all she wants is my money. It was my mistake to think that she ever loved me or cared for me in anyway. Unforchanitly I have a weakness of wanting to trust people which over the years has hurt me more than helped but im thinking that this might be a good thing. Iv learned that even the most trusted loved person is capable of turning out to be the exact opisite, in a very early stage of life which i feel has prepared me a little more for the "real world".

Anyway I have pretty much decided to completly cut my mother out of my life. I might spend an evening with her once every few months but i dont desire any other form of contact with her.

Thanks for reading,

Megan(: