MissNicole83's Journal

it's so depressing being home on friday and saturday nights. and here i sit, watching Golden Girls all weekend. awesome show, but still.  i feel so empty right now.  i have a friend whos birthday is monday.  mine is January 31st.  whenever its her birthday, it reminds me in a couple months thats how old I will be.  soon i will be 27 and i've never had a real boyfriend.  i've dated, never seen the same guy more than 3 or 4 times.  i've had sex with people i dont really care about, and they care even less about me.  last night i was with somebody i thought i really cared for.  never felt like that about anybody.  we've been on and off (mostly off) for the past year, and this was the first time we went to bed.  maybe its because he wasnt feeling very well and was tired.  but it just wasnt how i thought it would be.  when he touches me, i feel like i've never felt before he gives me chills.  i've dated other guys in this past year, but even when things are good with them I would still miss him.  i think, that i dont feel about him the way i thought i did.  maybe it's just that he has magic fingers.  that does not mean he's gonna treat me well.  i hate this time of year, because thanksgiving is comming.  i feel awkward around my family because i have nothing to show for myself, and they keep asking me about work, and pretty much bothering me.  christmas is the same.  alone.  new years eve, alone.  nobody to kiss at midnight.  my birthday, alone.  valentines day is the grand finale, the worst day to be alone all year.  the day it hurts more then all the others, 100 times worse.