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  Hug

  From Sandyslilsis Sunday

  Dear Wendy,
  You don't have to thank me....you do the same for me. It's unfortunate the way we met, but I am so glad we found each other here. It means so much to me too.
  I've ask my sisters in Indiana how Mom is, if she talks about it. They don't bring it up to her. My mom had a stroke in sept of 04 and it's really affected her short term memory and her speech. Sheryl and Susie don't want to upset her and I understand that. I called Mom yesterday, we talked about the regular stuff and then I just decided to ask her. I said mom, can I ask you a question. she said yes. I said, do you ever think about Sandra. And Wendy, in her pre stroke voice, as clear as a bell, She said I think about her everyday. I wanted to bawl, not only because she's hurting, but because I heard the voice of my mother, the mother I heard all my life. I then told her I get sad. She said Oh, shirley so do I. In the same pre stroke voice. I told her what I'll miss is how Sandra made her laugh. She said, yes she did make me laugh in her clear voice. Then in the same clear voice she said, Shirley, you make me laugh too. I God, I wanted to bawl. I kept it together, we talked a little longer, I ask her about her great grandson who's 19 months old and lights up her life. Her voice went back to stroke voice. We said our goodbyes and I thought about how wonderful of a gift my Mother gave me, her old voice, her telling me I make her laugh too. So you hug your Mom for me. Mom's are great. You cry with her, you smile with her, and promise me to make her laugh. You'll have a nice thanksgiving with your family and as far as your Dad goes, one of my new favorite sayings is, "Be kind, for everyone is having a hard battle" Plato
  I give thanks this day for Wendy. Travel Safely and I look forward to hearing about your trip.
  Shirley

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  I’m With You

  From Sandyslilsis November 18

  Dear Wendy,
  First, don't ever feel bad or apologetic for needing to vent. That's why we are here, that's why this website allowed us to find one another.
  I'm sorry for your Father. Alot of people, blame it on the "man" thing. I don't know if I believe that or not. Everyone is different. I feel so sad for your Mom. When she needs your Dad the most, at least to try to understand he chooses not to help her. I'm glad you'll be there with her. If need be, on that day, take your Mom for a ride in the car. Or if it's nice enough, just go for a walk. You and Mom, let her cry and you cry with her. The two of you together can celebrate Peter's life. I'll be thinking of you that day, I too will be celebrating Peter's life. You know his sons and even his ex wife will be thinking about him too. Many people loved him. I'm sure your Dad loved him too, unfortunately he chooses not to express that. You and your Mom decide what you want to do and do it. PERIOD. As hard as it may be, ignore your Father's unkind words. Remember how much Peter loved you. Remember that handsome man with a beautiful smile. Embrace him.
  I'll be thinking of you.
  Your Friend,
  Shirley

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  From Sandyslilsis November 18

  Hi Wendy,
  I'm sure you're getting anxious for your trip to your Mothers. I know I'm looking forward to December and seeing all of my family again. I know the 25th will be difficult for you and I'm glad you'll be with family. Just know I think about you. and I wish i had a magic wand to wave all this sadness and pain away for both of us.I hope today is a good day for you.
  Thinking of you
  Shirley

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  From Sandyslilsis November 11

  Hi Wendy,
  Sandy and Peter were alot alike. Sandy was always wearing something goofy, glasses, hats etc. We never knew what to expect next when she was around. She was the life of the party too. I'll go home again around Christmas time. Probably the week after Christmas. I look forward to going home, to see Mom, my children, my other two sisters and especially Samantha. It will be hard not having Sandra there, but it will be better that we'll all be together.
  I realized something last night, the last few days I didn't have the thought that this is all a dream. I guess going back to Indy for the walk and to her house finally made it real to me. But now, I feel like it's happening all over again. The shock and numbmess is gone and I feel so raw. The heaviness in my chest is back. I had a full blown anxiety attack this morning. I had a hard time breathing. I was shaking. My daughter grabbed my meds and she and my husband just sat with me until the meds kicked in and I began to settle down. It scared me, that's the first one I've that was that bad.
  I go back to my dr next wednesday. I want to go back to work. I'm getting 100% pay for the 30 day short term disability but if I go longer than 30 days, my pay goes down to 60%. Financially I can afford to go down to the 60% but I want to be able to go back to work. I stopped in to talk to my boss today. The dr told me to go in for a few days just a few hours a day. He said that was a good idea. But then he said, Shirley, we need the old Shirley back. Wendy, I'll never be that old Shirley again. This has changed me forever. So now, I feel like I have to walk in there with a smile on my face and fake that I'm okay. I don't know if I can do that. I'm seriously thinking about finding a different kind of job. I just don't know. And what if I go back and I can't do it. Then what. I know I'm worrying about more than I should, but that's my nature.
  When I was in Indy, I also heard the detectives had a suspect and were close to making an arrest. I now check the indy news everyday. Because I don't know if they'll call or not to tell me. I think you know how seldom I mention the who or why this happened, but now, after hearing all that, it's in my mind all the time now too.
  I just have the feeling this will never end. How do those of us left behind go on? how do we make it?
  I just dont' know.
  I like the idea of decorating Peter's bench. He'd like that I'm sure. How are his boys doing? I'm glad you'll be with your family for Thanksgiving. I think you're like me, it helps to be around my family. As always, I'm thinking of you.
  Shirley

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  From Sandyslilsis November 10

  Wendy,
  I do hold those memories close to me. Those good thoughts. It's just so hard sometimes. We shouldn't have to be doing any of this. It's still not fair.
  I'm sorry, I try so hard to stay positive and then bam, it hits me and I get down again. I just miss her. Going home did help me, but I missed her not being there. I wanted her there beside me when we went out for lunch. I wanted her to be in that house, smiling, laughing, spending time with us. I wanted her there to hug Samantha, to talk about her upcoming wedding. I wanted her there. Dammit, I wanted her there.
  I know you know what I'm saying, what I'm feeling. I thank God for that. I thought about you today. I thought close to a year. I thought, how will I be when it's almost a year? I can't seem to look past tomorrow, let alone next month or next year. Are you going to your Mom's for thanksgiving? I hope you can spend some time with your family. I hope.
  Take care of you,
  Shirley

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