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sandralee3 
I am so thankful for what I have in my life, why can't I get out there and live it! Example, today I am not working and here I sit, alone. I know it seems it is my choice but I reached out to the people around me and they are all doing what they are doing and not one of them extended an offer to share their day. Maybe I 'pretend' so completely that I am happy they really don't know how lonley I am! Is that even possible? Maybe it really is just ME and they don't want to spend their time with me! Oh well, it is what it is! Maybe I will just clean the apartment and take a walk later. I so miss sharing my time with other people!!!
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Hay there.
Sometimes I find that people just dont know how to handle difficult situations - Its not you they dont want to see but that you have been having a difficult time and finding things hard and they dont know what to say or how they can help - so they stay away rather than perhaps get in to a difficult situation. I have done it myself - to avoid an embarrising slience or akward moment i just stay away. I am having the same kind of problems about what to do myself even to the point of getting bored of my own company - I just want to go out and laugh and feel free. I have painted every room there is to paint and moved the furniture everyway possible. Its not easy but I try to look for the things i like to do on line and treat myself. Like the other day I went to the theatre to see a kung fu show and made sure I spoke to some people going in and on the way out. Not much but made me feel better about myself.
saskiam13
You are so right about everything you have said, and I know that in my head. My heart still hurts. I was also the one who would try to avoid difficult situations, but the day I found out...years ago...that my mom had cancer changed all that. I realized that I had 'blown' off friends who had the same situation in their lives and I have not avoided things that are uncomfortable since! I learned that there is never a RIGHT thing to say and sometimes just to be there and say nothing is enough. That's all I want!! I sure don't wish bad things on anyone, if only people could understand that just BEING THERE is enough!!
I too have rearranged all I can, I wish I could afford a show once in awhile, so I take walks and sit at the park and read. Thank you for reaching out to me, thousands of miles away and you touched my heart where no one else did!!
I really am ok, I just have little pity party's every now and again. Have a wonderful day and go out and laugh!! Sandy
sandralee3