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upforit 
2:24pm, June 30, 2009
I need some help. I am feeling somewhat upset with my son, Matt. He is the son in prison lwop. I am worrying myself sick at times, I think about him almost continuously. As I know this is not unusal for a mother/parent in our shoes. My concern is why he will not write even occasionally. I got a letter this Saturday, I got it on Mother's Day from the mail box, so I was so happy and thinking what a great gift it was, my whole family was there except him and I was holding a letter in my hands from him. Well I rushed to open it and it was one paragraph and an order form marked witht he things he was asking me to order from the summer package deal they have going. (It is only twice a year, but you can order as much as you want up to $100. and it all goes to things they need rather than stuff you prefer they not be involved with, such as gambling, trading or tattoos etc.) Well he had a friend whose mother was talking to her son, to call me last week on my cell, she said he was asking me to send money to his account for this same summer package. I thanked her very kindly, (I appreciate it other mother's being put in this position) I sent his regular 2 month amount that I send and also a letter explaining that I could not send anything else until July, so to be careful with what he had. I had just mailed him 3 books the same week. I am the only one who really sends anything, puts money on the phone or goes to visit. I think he may get extra at Christmas and his birthday. Our family is struggling like many others. Since he moved to a different location last Nov. he has not gotten his phone list set up with our new phone numbers so he can not call until he gets that corrected in June. But I have money on the account and I know he will call 2 or 3 times a week and use it all the first week, but he will not pick up a pen and write one page. I also plead with him when I write to just take the money I send and buy a couple of envelopes with postage, to keep us informed as to his welfare, a 15 min. call is not long enough to actually be able to complete a conversation. I do not know what else to do. If he really wants money or anything, he will have some mother call, but he will not write to me? He has a good handwriting and he actually makes more sense in his letters, he is not talking or acting up with another inmate or one of the guards, he is actually in his cell and communicating. I want to be straight up with him, but I worry he may be just trying to keep me from worrying more or he may just not want me to be involved with the prison thing, less I know the better, kind of attitude. But I am desperate here, I am ready to just blow a gasket and scream at him, saying I am not sending another thing until he shows a little aprreciation and show some respect.
I have gotten more mail from some of the other inmates that we write to , than I have my own son. He may have written me 10 time since Feb 05. I have two beautiful letters from Jesse, Laurie's son. He makes me feel so proud of his accomplishments, he is going to be just fine. He is a remarkable young guy. I know Laurie is heartbroken but at least he has taken the right attitude and has goals for himself.
I realize my son never expects to be free again, maybe he has just decided to forget about us and us forget him. I am just so hurting at this time, and I am not going to fake it anymore, he can do better.
Please help.
Comments
I don't know for certain, but he may be testing you in some ways to see if you are still going to stand by him. He may also be rebelling against the fact that he can't just call or text message people like those of us on the outside can. I teach high school English and many of my students are resentful when we require them to write because it is not part of their culture.
All you can do is tell him the way this makes you feel and then decide if you are going to continue writing him or not.
snowsgirl07
I totally understand about how worried and frustrated you are, Cathy. Fortunately, Eddie is a B I G writer and never lets me down.....I send him stamps, pre-addressed envelopes and plenty of paper. He has no excuse. I am having a difficult time getting all the money to him that he needs. I heard that sometimes the money we put on phone cards for them is used for other things!?!?! Don't know if that is true. I hope Matt comes to his senses and starts writing.....It's great that you received a Mothers Day card, though....take care, Love, Barbara
flmombs
I cannot imagine what it must be like having a child in prison. At the same time I cannot imagine being in prison. There's no way of knowing his reasons for doing what he is doing. Just keep loving him. Keep being there for him. I don't know what crime he committed, but I know a mother's love is unconditional. I will be praying for you and your family. God Bless!!!
jaymep
I'm so sorry. I will pray for you and your son. I know it's not the same as your situation, but after my parents divorced (I was 31 at the time), my dad just dropped me and my sisters from his life. It hurt so bad and still does, 16 years later. My mom was actually the one who helped me deal with it the most. The advice she gave me was to never stop loving him, because he's my dad, but not to have expectations that are too high. I know you are hurting terribly, and my heart goes out to you. love & prayers
Zigzag
I don't think writing a letter is too much to ask...you are right, phone calls just don't cut it. It's nice to hear their voices but I want more info. If the money you send is all you can do, he will have to accept it. What is he going to do? He's not going anywhere. You just keep loving him and writing as you do. Maybe you should tell him what a nice letter you got from your pen pal and you wish he would write you more. Please don't get yourself all worked up about this...sounds like he is being a little manipulative too...and I know this because as much as I love my daughter and as sweet as she can be, she can be manipulative with the best of them. You are a good mom and don't let him make you think you aren't. I care and will keep you in my prayers. love ya, sharon
slc123
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that things aren't going well for you right now. I will write to your son and enclose a Reflection or two that my son has written since being in jail. Maybe reading them will get him to change his attitude somewhat. We'll see what happens. I, too, am the one who puts money on the books, pays for the incoming phone calls, and orders books for him to read. We won't know until June 17th how much time he'll have to serve. I'm/we're on pins and needles just waiting to see how long he'll be in prison. Not sure how he'll be when he gets the results on sentencing day. I hope my son, Steven, doesn't change as he has learned so much in there and has written several Reflections and is writing a book (not about jail life). I think Steven knows not to rock the boat, so to speak. My husband is still having a hard time handling all of this and if Steven said or did anything to hurt my feelings then my husband will cut off all financial help to him. I'm not working so really it's my husband that's paying for everything. As you know it's not cheap taking care of them in there. I hope everything turns out o.k. in the long run. Here's a HUG for you. Keep us posted about what's happening in your life. Remember we're all here to listen. Take Care. Love, Georgia
GeorgiaM