mysunshines's Journal

back from hospital. wow. im going back on sunday for a second op, it was unplanned. i went in last monday and my nevre signals were dimming, showing signs of it being unhappy. so they took the metal rods to straighten my back. so now they are putting them back in again next monday. kinda sucks to go thru all of it again. they time in hospital was...memorable. wednesday night was the worst. they took me off the morphine less than 48 hrs after a major opperation cos im drip thing was leaking and wasnt supplying the correct ammount so they decided to do away with it. i was in so much pain i was sick a few times. i lay there trying not to move will i literally wished i was dead. i tried to stop myself crying as it made me hurt more with every sharp breath. its over now for now at least. the nurses were very nice, they kept me smiling. i was in the adult ward but in a side room to myself which was nice, kinda lonely at times but better than the childs ward.

the worst part is that i didnt like feeling weak, the first few days i couldnt do ANYTHING without help, like rolling on my side took 2 nurses and a lot of pain. im not used to feeling weak or needing help, i dont like it. showing my vulnerable side i hate. so to go from a seemingly good life- i didnt need the op that much, to having 10 wires in me and being stuck in the same bed for a week needing so much help is a little extreme. i kept thinking.... i didnt really need this, all this. friends and family have been really supportive. roy came to see me, so did alex and charly. alex came another time too which was really kind of her. its nice they wanted to come which im very grateful for. my parents came everyday which was good to, i could see it put a strain on them and i tried to say they didnt need to but they wudnt listen cos they wanted to come. i dont like adding to their stressful lives.

ive g2g now. ill finish later.

xxx