vortex2382

Close Infidelity

I met my soul when i was 14 him 16. we have always had some arguments but they dont last long. he has had several doubts in the 5 years before we married. broke up twice for no more than 30 days. maried when i was 19 he was 21. he is in the military and he was shipped to korea in 04 to 05 i went over to see him for about a month during christmas. had a blast. when i got back he began to not cotact me i had to track him down through his friends i had met whn i was there. he swears nothing was happening he just got involved with a new game D&D. his friends swore he loved me and would never cheat on me. i believed them . when he got back things were strained but not overly as we were being moved to a new base. this time in ND from WA. things settled down and we got along great. i got a job with in the first few months i was there. i worked nights tho and him days i didnt get to see him too much. his work put a lot of undue stress on him so he was messing up at work and home. doing silly things like going to the bank and forgtting to bring how what he went ther for. my reaction was not passive. he was sent to CA for two weeks training. when he got back he was sent to iraq for 3 months i missed him and it was stressful because i had to quite my job due to his leaving. when he got back he was a bit distant and stressed. with work on his back i didnt knwo what to do. eventually in 06 we moved to SC and things only got worse. we were fighting so much and fnally i asked him in NOV if he wanted to work on this relationship or not. he said no. i said then we dont have one. he slept in the other room. this lasted two weeks. i was working at the time dudring the day geting home intime to do school work. i found out in early dec that he was to be shipped back to iraq this time 6moonths. and that i may never have children. he found out that he would have to do sosme work inorder tohave children with me. but he refused to go to the doctor saying it was embarassing. then in an argument he said he wanted a divorce. he changed his mind in about 4hrs. we were fine after that. he left for iraq jan 19 2007. about a mont maybe two later he calls me and tells me he sent me a email in explaination i hadnt checked my email so i told him just to tell me. he said that he was having an emotional affair with some lady over there but that she did not know it he just felt spechial with her. he hid his wedding ring. lied to me when he told me why he hadnt called. i was also going through a weird attachemtn with a friend of ours. i was honest about it and told him that we are just lonely and that it is a passing phase. my spouse insisted that it was more tahn that so i took it as more than that. in the end of april i had thought about it and had decided to give him what he wanted. which was to explore out of our marriage. i purposed a 1yr deal where we could do what we wanted and with who we wanted as long as we follwed the rules. no lying, ware protection. etc. it was this or we were heading towards a divorce. he agreed to the deal and in fact said he was very happy about it. i told him that he would not beable to change his mind so be susre. this took away all my reservations on the matter. i had already been thinking about my actons with this deal. for weeks. i was prepared for either way. his agreement still shocked me. but there it was. two weeks later he says e cannot take it and that he wants the deal to wait until he is home. i didnt agree right away making him stick to his word. i agreed in another two weeks. and so there it was. until i found out he was still doing it with another female this time different from the first. he set up a new email and lied about it. didnt want to give me tha password. some thing i have always had of his and he of mine. i had found out earlier in the week that he was teling this girl where he was and when he would land but he did not tell me. i didnt want to see him. i was angry that he said he loved her and that he became physical with her when he had me stop for him. he came home in the end july on our wedding anaversary. i was not home. when i got home he and i talked and i shared the horrors i had suffered in the deal. i told the truth. he could not handle it and he had himself commited into a nut house for about a week and a half. i was guilty. so guilty that i could not go see him when he was inthere. he came back out in the middle of august. and wanted me to stay at home and cancle all my plans with my friends. the dates i could see but not the friends. i was still angry and hurt. so i had three things i needed to complet three. a D&D game to finish a party i was escorting a frind to we didnt stay but 30 minutes it wasnt what we were into. and i wend to a convention on the last weekend of august. i had not slept with anyone since before he came back. as promised. while i was gone in GA he signed up for singles.net and set up a date. first he called to ask me if he could take about 200 from the account so he could do somethign for me. i ofcourse said yes. he spent it on this girl. when i got back on the 2nd of sep he confessed what had happened. i was crushed but he told me that he decided to not stay in contact with her. i left the following weekend to play D&D and so did he. he brouth this girl with im and slept with her that night. i was trying to call him all night and he just ignored my call saying he left it in the car. i knew it wa a lie. i found out about a week later that he was sleeping with her all the while giving me grief over my permissioned infidelity. it was two days after he and i finally had sex again and that he said he would definatly not speak to her again and the he wuld go to tell her on thursday. i found out on friday that he did go see her and that in stead of breaking up with her he slept with her and told her that he loved her. i called her out gave her the full story and she agreed the it was not wehere she wanted to be. but she stayed and helped him lie. they had sex in my house just after he said he would keep sex out of the equation. this went on til nov 08' then i stayed home all the time made sure he was home. and he swore up and down they are not talking but when i ending up in the hostpital he got a call from his shop saying that i was trying ot get a hold of him but i was right next to him so i knew he lied but he still deied it. he was not seeing her but he was talkig to her. and she was spreading the rumors that he was going to divorce me and he says he never said that. finally i found out that he was getting shipped back to korea for a year. and that he told her but he swears he didnt. finally he admits it. and says yess he wants a divoce. i say find i can file to day and be done in three months he panics and says he does not want one that quick. so i say to him are you really sure you want one and he says no. and off we are again. its around this time that he writes to her telling her all the lies he has said to her. mainly about that never said he wanted a divorce. and so on. she wirtes back a week later and basically tells him not to talk to her again while i am in the picture. he and i are argueing still even with the move back to WA so i can stay with my family while he is gone. finally the day comes when he leaves for korea on NOV 1 2008. he gets over there and ignores me. he is not taking care of is bills that only he can do. he waits until i am in complet panic before calling. now it is march and he told me last week that he loves me but he cannt stay with me. i asked when he wants a divorce and he cannot tell me. i am completly besides my self. i feel guilty and very alone. so panicked and lost. he loves me but he just cant or wont get over my part in this issue. it doesnt matter to him that he gave permission or that he was doing it himself. before nd after just that he cannot get over the fact that i would. he was my first and i want him to be my last. i know its something he and i can get through if he was not being so lazy. i asked him if he really wants to end our 12 year relationship because of a stupid mistake he sayd he is not sure. he just cannot seem to get over this problem. he lies to me constantly and has made so many mistakes he expects instant forgiveness and yet i make one in 12 years with his approval and he cant get over it. i dont understand i am so lost and in pain. i need help and so does he i can feel his pain and i feel my own. did i waste my life in the last 12yreas. how can i ever trust another when this man is the one who is my everything will lie to me. if i am his everyhing as he claimed why would he lie to me? please help me

Treatments

Zoloft Not Working

i have been on many drugs and zoloft was the longest but i have to take others with it. its just not enough. i stopped taking it now i need something else. to help me. i am also on valume nothing works.

Trazodone Not Working

had me on this and zoloft this was to help me sleep but even at 200 mg it did not work. made me unable to do anything the following day but it did not help me sleep like it was supposed to

Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful

this did work but now that i have moved i have not gotte another one and so i am lost stil.

Writing Somewhat Helpful

this does help some. but i find that if i cannot deliver my writing then i am not doing all that i need. i have to let others know what they are doing.

Close Military Families

On my profile is the main story but... basically my spouse and i are having difficulties and he is deployed into Osan Korea for a yr. He is not contacting me and his shop is refusing to give him the phone. I am having anxiety attacks from hell almost on a daily basis. He has been to the same place priviously and it was nothing like now. I dont know what to do and i really need some help