Jas1234's Journal

Why is it that I don't want to get out of bed Monday through Friday but can't sleep late on Saturday and Sunday?  Life is funny that way.

Today marked 16 days since the last time I gambled.  I even exercised today and I haven't done that in over a year.  Went to church and out to lunch.

Just hung around the house the rest of the day.  It was a relaxing one.

I often get what I've come to call the Sunday night blues.  I get a sort of ache in my stomache and I get filled with an intense loneliness.  Even when I am not alone.  I feel like I need to cry but I usually don't quite get there.  The feeling lasts just about an hour.  It's passing now as sleepiness is settling in.

I don't hate my job.  I don't love it either.  I would rather stay home than work but I think that is what most people think too.  I am the primary breadwinner in the family so staying home isn't an option.  Maybe my sadness is a result of that pressure.  Don't know.

Anyhow, it is always interesting what comes out in these journals.  I never kept a diary.  I think I may have started three or four in my youth but I never really came at if from an angle of just writing down what popped in my mind.  That's what I'm doing here and I think it is something everyone should do.

I'm learning about me.  I think I've gotten a little lost in the last 3 years of my addition.  I don't really know what I like to do the most.  Now that mom and dad aren't alive and kids aren't small anymore.  This is a weird time of life.  Seems like a good time to plan some me time.  Now I just need to figure out who me is and what I want to do.

Today I did not gamble.  Today I'm sweet 16.