Journal

Hey Folks. Well here it is Holiday Season again. Thanks for carrying me another year Lord. Got a couple of new mrsa wounds going, one on right cheek, the other on top of my head. I've had worse. God Bless You All, Ross

I've been in and out of recovery for 12yrs. I have read every AA piece of literature. I have been doing alot of reading of the history of AA by outside the fellowships view. I have come to the conculsion that AA is a cultish, false religion, that was based on lies from the beginning. I love God, like sobriety, and love the people in AA. However, I do not wish to follow the 12 steps anymore. AA lies about it's recovery rate, based on their own surveys, however unpublished to general public. I don't believe the book to be spiritually inspired. I believe Bill W was a charlatan, a con man, a liar, and stole the basic idea for AA  from the Oxford Group Cult that he was asked to leave. I believe AA members bully, and imtimadate members who don't recover, and/or won't follow the program. They preach love and tolerance and practice false religon. Over a dozen judges at state and federal levels have ruled that AA is a religon or practices religious activites. Therefore courts should not mandatorially force people to attend. I didn't go today, even though it was my meeting to chair. Where do I fit in Alcoholics Anonymous now? Is there room for dissention? Yesterday, I shared, and a woman started yelling at me, "What the Fuck are you doing here then?" Are only true believers welcomed? What if  'God as you understood him' solves your alcholism, but takes you to hell? I want to stay in recovery, I want the socializing, and friendship I find there. I also want to be true to myself. AA preaches any God or Higher Power. I believe in Jesus, Father God, and Holy Spirit. Period. Am I just another hypocrite, if I go back and chair meetings for "The Program" when I don't believe in it anymore? Of course I would be a hypocrite. Where, or where to I go now?

Sometimes you just gotta start over. I deleted all my friends on here, excpect for you Alvi. Gosh, I am tired of AA and the false relgion promoted there. I love the people. Can't stand the program.