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davidwiatrek 
I started a journal back in June and discontinued making daily entries. This time I plan to stick with it and document as much as I can to track progress and any set backs. Please understand I am documenting as much as possible concerning specific issues, so some material may be a little graphic.
Well, it appears that beating anxiety is not as easy a task as I thought. I continue to suffer the physical side effects more often. As you can imagine this is seriously impacting my life. I know I'm not as bad off as some who deal with anxiety...and my thoughts and prayers are with you; however, I'm to the point when my body feels "not right" (nausea, dizziness, gastrointestinal issues, etc.) I start thinking the worst, my heart rate increases, and I get it in my mind I may die. There are so many things that go through my mind on a daily basis (new house, preganant wife...about to deliver, finances, job security, etc.).
My most recent attack occured early this morning at 1:00am. I woke up with severe heartburn, ended up going to the bathroom, dryheaving, having a bowel movement, skin feeling very hot, hands and feet getting clammy, fatigue, nausea, chills, and checking my blood pressure...which was high when I first checked it, but normal afterwards. Needless to say I stayed up for an hour and a half worrying that something terrible was going to be the final outcome.
After I fell asleep I woke up to the alarm and decided to take the day off. I ended waking up around 10:00am and let negative thinking take control. My wife took her mother out and about with our daughter and I stayed home alone.
I have decided to contact my bosses, my therapist, and a pastor to get the ball rolling concerning this issue. I can't keep anything bottled up any more, especially from my wife and therapist. It's time to swallow my pride and list all of my weaknesses, phobias, etc. I will be e-mailing a pastor I know in a few minutes as well to see what king of one-on-one sessions we can put together.
My life has to change, not just for me but for my family. I can't keep putting other people on hold because of my problems, especially when I'm not being honest with myself about things.
Thanks for reading and/or listening. Dave
P.S. Since I typed this and got off the phone with my therapist I am feeling better. Think I'll go get something to eat...but I'm sure something negative will pass through my mind about the food, will it stay down, etc. What a world!!!
