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TonyRay 
8:36pm, June 15, 2009
It all blew up again ... I don't even know why ... we were actually getting along well and then we started talking about something trivial. It turned into a discussion of the marriage and the things I did wrong ... and it just got out of hand.
Once again I realize that us getting along and the niceness has nothing to do with her wanting to work things out and more to do with just her wanting to use me as the "room mate" I am.
I really have to get out of here ... the only thing that really is keeping me is the kids. Everything I am doing to try to make things better is pretty much worthless ... I just gotta get out of here. I keep letting her kick me in the head ... keep getting complacent and seek out the tiny spec of light in the void of darkness ... I keep letting her hurt me over again. I don't see any end to that unless I leave.
I just wish I was brave enough to do it ...
I wish someone could just abduct me and force me to leave this toxic place ... I'm drowning and I am admitting I am to stupid to do anything to save myself.
At least I am not crying tonight ... I am still numb to it ... maybe I just don't care anymore ...
Tony
Comments
Stay strong...i have been in an unhealthy marriage for almost 9 years now, and i know what you are saying about trying to find the courage to end it. At this point i don't even know where to start. I have voiced my complaints for years now to my husband, but he just doesn't get it, and he can not accept the responsibility for his words and actions ...he forgets that once words are spoken, and actions are done, there is no recalling them...they are out there to hurt others. I once loved him, but over the years, he has killed that love with the things he has done and said. I am young, have no children, and want to do something with my life....i just need to find the courage to leave him, and find myself. Keep your chin up, and to thy own self be true!!
Skinderella