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TonyRay 
8:36pm, June 15, 2009
Hi Everyone,
Sorry that I haven't been on much in the last week or so ... I've been ok ... kind of confused ... things are getting better but yet not ... if you know what I mean ... taking it day by day. Its like a rollercoaster ride of emotions ... sometimes things seem totally fine and then the next things are out of control again. So confused and I am kind of sick of crying at this point.
I am just kind of exhausted from it all. I kind of don't want to talk about it or think about it ...
She is giving vague signals like she wants to stay together but when I ask her she says she doesn't know what she wants to do ... I am starting get sick of it and feel used and realizing that I will never be able to maintain everything she needs to make her happy ... and in a way long for my own freedom to do what I want to do. I think if I do want to stay with her I will have to give up who I am and what I enjoy completely.
In general things are the same as before ... but I am just to burned out to care or cry. I have been looking at craigslist and realized that I could move our for cheaper if I sublet a place near the college there are alot of kids subletting until september and going home so I could escape and maybe things will be more resolved but I don't want to leave my kids alone. Also I just got the accounting from my lawyer and my entire retainer is gone and we don't even have the first court date until June 21st so thats kind of freaking me out. I have a strange feeling that I will end up spending WAY more than I expected for this divorce. If it goes through ... and even if it doesn't ...
Tony
Sorry that I haven't been on much in the last week or so ... I've been ok ... kind of confused ... things are getting better but yet not ... if you know what I mean ... taking it day by day. Its like a rollercoaster ride of emotions ... sometimes things seem totally fine and then the next things are out of control again. So confused and I am kind of sick of crying at this point.
I am just kind of exhausted from it all. I kind of don't want to talk about it or think about it ...
She is giving vague signals like she wants to stay together but when I ask her she says she doesn't know what she wants to do ... I am starting get sick of it and feel used and realizing that I will never be able to maintain everything she needs to make her happy ... and in a way long for my own freedom to do what I want to do. I think if I do want to stay with her I will have to give up who I am and what I enjoy completely.
In general things are the same as before ... but I am just to burned out to care or cry. I have been looking at craigslist and realized that I could move our for cheaper if I sublet a place near the college there are alot of kids subletting until september and going home so I could escape and maybe things will be more resolved but I don't want to leave my kids alone. Also I just got the accounting from my lawyer and my entire retainer is gone and we don't even have the first court date until June 21st so thats kind of freaking me out. I have a strange feeling that I will end up spending WAY more than I expected for this divorce. If it goes through ... and even if it doesn't ...
Tony
