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TonyRay 
8:36pm, June 15, 2009
I took what people said about my last post to heart about my wife potentially being Bipolar and I posted this in the Family and Friends of Bipolar area of DS:
I think my wife may be Bipolar
I have a few questions. I came here from the Divorce Support site because several people have told me that many of the things my wife seems bipolar and I have concerns that something is seriously wrong with her myself. Her actions and the things she is doing seems strange, irrational and selfish.
I have been married to my wife for 14 years and we have been together for 20 years since we were both 17 years old. Since we met she has NEVER been able to hold down a full time job ... or even a part time job ... I gave up even worrying about it when we were very young and just let her do what she does. In general all jobs seem to "bore her" or she gets "sick" and misses alot of work or she just gives up because she doesn't like the work. Don't get me wrong she can be a good mother and housewife ... although she doesn't cook she does get her hands dirty taking care of the house and so I felt we had come to terms where she is the manager of the house and children and I work two jobs. Unfortunately she never really realized what it was like to go to work 50 hours a week every day and some weekends ...
One other thing to note ... over the years she has always started things and never finished ... she always gets into hobbies ... stained glass ... sewing ... whatever ... but she never completes anything ... she always loses interest and ends up with tons of incomplete projects ... several people have pointed this out ... my parents said they never know what to buy her for presents because she is always into something new ... my friends and even her parents know that.
The latest story starts in September when she came to me and told me she wanted to remodel the house ... I listened and refinanced the house and took out 70K cash ... we paid off all our debts for about 30K (including all credit cards down to zero). The other 40K I let her hire contractors to start work on the house. The problem is they never finished .... we still have plywood for countertops ... no siding on half the back of the house and 2X4's framing instead of an island. All the money is gone and my wife put 7K back on the credit cards maxing them out.
Relatively suddenly in late January she became obsessed with and read 8 books based on the TV show True Blood and became infatuated with an actor Alex Skarsgard. Infatuated to the point where she became completely cold to me ... didn't want me to touch her ... told me she wanted a divorce but wanted to stay roommates ... and began putting pictures of him around the house everywhere ... began writing an erotic novel called "Loving Alex" that is over 8 inches think ... several hundred pages ... she has never done anything like that before. She became so obsessed she became admin of his 600 person facebook website ... created a facebook application for him ... bought a book on how to create her own fan club website and has her sights set on making one and becoming his official fan club. The day before Easter she spontaneously bought a ticket to a festival he was attending for $300 and then plane tickets to LA and flew there and roomed with a complete stranger she met on the internet 3 weeks earlier ... instead of spend Easter with her children and family. While there I had hoped she might see some reality but instead she actually did meet him by pure luck and because of someone else and this only fueled her obsession.
Besides her obsession ... she is very selfish ... thinking only of herself rather than of her family ... she goes on spending sprees on clothes and other stuff without thought or concern ... she has lost alot of weight going from size 10 to size 6 in 2 months ... she sleeps very sporadically ... last night she woke up at 10am on saturday and went straight without sleeping until monday 2am ... in addition she is having online affairs and other stuff that I would have never expected out of her just last year. She seems to be like a bull in a china shop and she really doesn't care about anything but what she wants.
I filed for divorce a few weeks ago because she was threatening me with lies after I protectively transferred my work paycheck direct deposit for the joint account to a personal account. She was claiming that what I did was illegal and she and "her lawyer" had talked to a judge and I better change it back because my account was about to be frozen ... I sought legal advice and filed but found out later it was total lies that she created.
I am so scared for my family and my children ... I love her so much but her actions are so strange and bizarre ... its almost like she went from being a 37 year old woman to a 17 year old over night ... now she talks about how she and I are room mates ... and she is off talking to men online ... as if we are already divorced ... she keeps raving about how much fun she is having ... while I feel like I am in a nightmare. Now she is talking about traveling to New York and Louisiana on the spur of the moment ... she would never do this in the past ...
My wife has never been diagnosed with anything and refuses to go for any counciling ... marriage counciling or believe that anything is wrong with her. I really worry that something is wrong with her ... she wants a divorce but all she is doing is on a free for all party of debauchery, fantasy and fun it seems.
Does any of this seem like potential bipolar actions? Can anyone really explain or give examples of similar bipolar cases like this? I have read some of the general descriptions of bipolar but they are so general I wish I could really get more.
How can you get help for someone that denies there is a problem? Denies any need for help? I talked to our regular doctor about it ... but mostly for myself because I am so sad and lost and depressed about what's going on. He showed concern about what I said about her but still he didn't seem to think he could do anything unless she sees her problem or hits rock bottom.
I talked to her today and said I think she might be bipolar or have something wrong and she got very defensive and said that I am the one with problems and that she is perfectly normal and has never been better ... she claims before she was depressed with her life but now she is having a great time.
I know her and she will NEVER admit that she is sick ... or that anything she does is wrong ... she has always been that way.
I love her and am worried about her ... and I am worried about our family ... our kids ... our house ... our future ... I don't know how to help her and I feel like I am fighting a monster that I can't control ... the sad thing is I don't know if she will ever see her problems as problems.
I don't really know what to do.
Posted on 04/20/09, 10:04 pm
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Family_and_Friends_of_Bipolar/advice/6835933-i-think-my-wife-may
Also:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/advice/6850059-ok-she-wants-iud
Comments
Hello My Friend,
Yours is a very sad story and Im sorry to hear it. I think that its time to concern yourself with YOU. I dont believe that your health is benefiting from all this stress you have gone through and what you are now putting yourself through.
You have done everything possible for your wife, but to no avail.She clearly has very deep rooted psychological problems that you are not able to understand or deal with. She appears to have a combination of narccissm, bipolar and borderline personality disorder and even some schitzophrenia (sorry about my spelling!) If you do a search on each of these terms you will see facets of her personality in each description.
How do I know this...my ex, although not to the extent of your wife, showed similar tendancies.
You have to understand that your wife is never going to come right if she does not seek help. She is manupulating you by putting it all back on you and saying YOU have the problem not her.
You only have one choice and thats to leave her for good otherwise she will destroy you totally, from what i read, she is quite far down the line already.
Look out for yourself and your kids now, get out of this destructive marriage and leave your wife. You say you love her...please tell me what their is to love?? Im sorry if I sound harsh, but she is going to cause you a heart attack.
I wish you the best
Ricky
Ricky1
TonyRay,
Ricky1 is right. You love a memory. You love someone who isn't there anymore.
LEt me put it to you another way. If you were single, and you were introduced tonight, to your wife, for the first time EVER, would you ask her out on a date?
Music runs non-stop in my head. My life's soundtrack is a constantly shifting montage of lyrics and rythm. A radio on non-stop scan, pausing only long enough to drop a back-beat around whatever holds my interest at the monent.
Right now my interest is changing your mind and She Wants Revenge is thumping out Red Flags & Long Nights (you know I know what I'm talking about [wink/nod]):
Sick of trying to find a way inside
Sick and tired of all the after
Sick of trying to find a way to slide
Even though it always ends in laughter
It's never hard to tell when things are DONE
She looked into my eyes and a voice said RUN
She says that I'M A MESS but it's alright
Whether it's 2 weeks, 2 years or just tonight
And you can occupy my every sigh
You can rent a space inside my mind
At least until the price becomes too high
When Tony? When is the effing price too high my man?
Today? Mine just went over the limit. I'm doing something about it. Join me? Last one divorced has to buy the steaks & beer.... naawww... First One divorced gets a free steak & beer party on the other one... I ain't waiting for you so I can get mine. Are you down for that? ---- don't mistake my levity in serious times for a lack of understanding regarding the weight of the situation. Sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying my eyes out.
Anyway - I'm here when you need me.
deramo
KingDeramo