I'm the new guy on the block...HI …
I'm the new guy on the block...HI everyone... My name is Michael..I have a wonderful beautiful dog, a parakeet (I …
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MrsMisha 
2:14pm, July 10, 2009
Yesterday afternoon, my husband sent me an email. He told me he was very hurt at how I had spoken to him the night before. He felt I was shutting down and not talking to him anymore, therefore he was shutting down and afraid. He said he wanted to run away he was so hurt. It broke my heart to read that he was hurting, because naturally, that is the LAST thing I want to do. I didn’t reply. I was trying to get my thoughts together about him and how he is doing, put myself in his shoes. Then I got another email, ‘did you get my email?’ So to be curteous, I replied ‘yes’ and sent it. He responded with ‘you have nothing to say?’ in which I replied, ‘I don’t know what to say. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.’ Then he responded with ‘I believe you, but actions speak louder then words. You say it all the time, but you never SHOW it. I need you to SHOW it, seriously.’ WOW. Ok, so I didn’t respond at all. In fact, I shut down. Didn’t talk to anyone, kept it to myself, then got home and was quiet. I took a long relaxing bath and read some of my book. When I got out I laid in bed to continue reading. Later on we watched a movie, and in the middle of the movie has asked if I was alright. I lied, ‘yeah I am fine’. I didn’t want to talk about it, there was no use. Nothing would be solved, we had argued about this before, I had nothing to say to him that I haven’t already said. I was numb. About 15 minutes later, he paused the movie and said, ‘you are upset about something, you never replied to my emails, and you haven’t spoken since you got home.’ I was quiet for a moment, and just replied, ‘I don’t want to talk about it right now.’ He pushed me to communicate and I told how I felt it was useless. I was wasting my breath explaining myself over and over. It shouldn’t be like that. I am perfectly clear when I tell him what I need, but he never respects it. And I have grown tired of it. I truly feel, my words are useless. So I have officially shut down. I warned him of this many times. And now here we are. We spoke for awhile, he begged me to talk. So, I repeated myself like I always do. I told him he needs to work on his communication in terms of when he talks to me and about WHAT, some things he can keep to himself if he knows I’ll react a certain way. I don’t need to know EVERYTHING. I explained how I am tired of how he reacts when I am stressed and need to leave the room to think. He always stops me, and begs me to keep talking, and that is how the arguments start. I feel disrespected, my temper flares up, he gets defensive. And nothing gets solved. It’s a never ending pattern. And after almost 5 years, I am exhausted and I have nothing left to give. My needs are never met. Granted he does WONDERFUL things for me, like making sure I have a hot bath ready for me when I get back from a long drive… flowers waiting for me just because. He is a hopeless romantic, and all of those things I LOVE about it. But naturally, like any other marriage, we have our problems. But they are BIG problems. Ones that hammer me down and make me shut down, ones that make me deeply depressed wanting to hide in my dark room. And those are the kinds of things that worry me. I was always the typical Aries. Fun, outgoing, spunky, center-of-attention, hyper happy, go lucky active kind of girl. And I feel like I am slowly losing that side of me that I loved so much. Its heartbreaking
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