hurtingangel's Journal

Hello everyone. It has been way to long since I have been on here I didn't realize how much i missed it and all of you wonderful, caring people. A huge thank you to all of you that did not give up on me and kept sending messages even though I have not been on in many, many months. Much has happened since my last posting. My back is still at a 8-9 pain level rate. The most recent ct scan shows alot of new disc degenerizaation in the thorasic area of my spine. As of this writing, my spine Dr. will not help me he wants to wait and see what happens with my knee's. As some of you know I had a double knee replacement on Aug 4th of 08 my right knee never healed correctly so it will be replaced again in 2wks on Nov. 12th. On top of all this , the hardest thing that has happened is that my Mom died very unexpectedly on june 9th. Between my heath , and helping my dad move and cope I am just now starting to deal with it. I am not dealing very well. I just lost my mother Inlaw 1 1/2yrs ago she was also very very special to me. In 3yrs time my husband & I have lost both his parents, my mom and my grandma won't be far behind. We have had 9 funerals in less than 3yrs. it's taking it's toll. I feel like I have nothing left to fight with. I was so damn mad at myself I quit smoking for 21/2yrs and started again about 5mn ago. I have just quit again I so hope this is the last time. This is the only place I have ever felt at home, where I knew people understood what I was feeling and going through. I am so sorry for just leaving the site for awhile  and not explaining why. I was just so caught up in so much pain both physical and mental I just stayed in bed. My husband has been so supportive but he can also handle only so much. So please forgive me. For anyone that still remembers me I would love to hear from you. I can not promise that I will be on every day but will do as much as I can. sitting and typing are very painful for my now due to many falls from my knee giving out. Wishing all days full of rainbow,sunshine, little to no pain and all that makes your heart smile,

Love & God bless

Lisa

P.s I appologize for all the rambaling in this journal. but if I listed everything you would be reading a book lol.