Journal

Doing a lot of thinking lately.  Just about a lot of stuff I guess.  Life, work, carrier, money the usual for most people.  I guess it’s just I’m not sure what to do with my life and I want a change but not sure in what direction I want to take it.  Take my job for instance; I have been in this field now for roughly 14 years.  It’s dieing out and there are hardly any places that are either still around or do what I do witch is automation controls electrician/machine tool electrician.  Sure I have a job now but for how long ya know.  I want so bad to get out of this field I can taste it. 

I looked into schooling but to be honest school scares the shit out of me.  But it’s like now days unless you have some type of training or schooling you’re not going to get a new carrier in anything.  Job’s as we all know are few and far between now days.  So it makes the choice to go to school that much harder.  Meaning, I have been doing what I’m doing now for 14 years.  It’s all I know.  To go into another field that doesn’t bother me but it’s like if I don’t choose carefully then I fear that I’ll be stuck right back where I am now.  Also, if I can’t get some kind of loan to help pay for school I fear that I won’t go.  It’s just because I’m trying so hard to come out of debt not acquirer more of it. 

Kim is in school for music therapy.  That’s cool for her because she loves music same as myself.  But if I were to go into something to do with music it would be the technical part of it.  But that’s my problem; I just don’t have a clue as to what I would find for a job anywhere. I just think that job’s like that you would find at a radio station or studio.  And let’s face facts, toughs are VERY hard to get.  Right now it’s just to be honest…. I can’t stand what I do.  It’s boring as hell and you don’t get a lot of money doing it.  I guess I really want a change in a bad way.

Music on the other hand is my escape from everything.  I just got back into it again after almost a 5 year pause from it.  I have to say it feels good to be back into it again.  With the gear I have now makes it all the more better.  Kim got me a brand new Fender Jazz bass it’s freaking awesome!  And with an ampeg amp agh yea let’s just say it sounds good and loud!  I need to practice more though.  But the songs that I am practicing now are getting kind of boring.  I need some new stuff.  I have a few that I got from online.  But no way to print them witch sucks.  I would like to work more with Kim weighting our own stuff but with her being in school and all now it’s hard to even get a chance to see her. 

Not sure what my deal has been lately with playing though.  It seems that the 5 years I wasn’t able to play really did something to my playing style.  I find myself struggling with songs I used to have no problem playing.  I guess I just need to practice more.  But that makes it hard when you’re living back at your parent’s house….sigh.  I need my own place.  I think what I really need is to leave.  Like take some time and just go somewhere.  I’m not sure where but being here in this house and in this state are getting to me.  Not sure why the state is getting to me so bad but all I keep thinking about is when Kim asked me if I would have a problem with moving out of state when she gets out of school.  At first I said I would because all I know is here.  And fear of not being able to make it on my own and being forced to move back would be one thing that plugs my mind.  Another would be family.  My family is here.  I guess it would make it easer if I wasn’t a “family guy” or however you would put it. 

I remember when she asked if I would take a cruse or a trip with her.  I can’t remember what I said to her but now it’s like “yea let’s get out of here!”.  It’s just I don’t want or expect her to pay for it all.  But right now cash is so damn tight for me it’s not funny. 

Sigh…… I guess I just need a break……

So I start a new job tomorrow… in a way I’m excited but really nervous not sure why either.  I guess it’s just that I have been out of work for so long and all that going into something new after so long is going to be sort of a shock I guess.  Not only that but the new guy there and all is just going to be weird.  I guess the only way I can explain it is that agh god I’m just really nervous.  But it will be nice to have a paycheck now.  Not use to that at all anymore.  Only thing is I have a ton of stuff I have to pay down.  Being off for seven months does a lot to your bank roll!  I just hope it will be good….  I guess we’ll see