starrbright's Journal

Last night he starts slamming doors and stomping around the house because I didn't put his clean clothes away.  I said I didn't think it was a big deal...I hate putting clean clothes away...you know how some household chores just kill you?  Well, putting away clean clothes is mine.  Then he asks me, in a real snotty voice, "What is F.C.F.?" and I said "I don't know." and he says well you wrote a check to them so I get out of bed and pull up the account and it's the Firefighters Charitable Foundation...which he agreed to donate money so when the bill came I wrote the check, I put it in the envelope and stamped it and mailed it from work.  Because he isn't responsible enough to do it.  Then he refuses to even look at the account.  And he says "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."  And I just looked at him, with that one eyebrow raised.

I must have been already irritated because I started yelling back.  I told him that I'm tired of being treated as though I'm a liar and a cheater when I have never been those things...he kept apologizing.  I told him we're stuck together until the finances are squared away in a coupla years.  He had been acting weird all day so I got on the computer and sure enough it's been wiped, except for the index.dat file.  He was surfing lite porn for a short while and then switched to the Admin account and searched on porn addiction.  All I know is that it's going to be roughly 2012 before we can financially support two households and if he's going to be like this then I'd rather he just get his porn fix.  

He apologized again this morning.  He says he's trying to be disciplined.  He is still swearing that he loves me, wants only me, doesn't want a divorce.  I guess this is the denial part?  I watched a movie yesterday about a widower and thought to myself how much easier this would all be if one of us would die...and I don't even care which one of us it is.  Actually, no, it'd better be me because dipshit can't even manage to buy life insurance.

Calls this morning just to say hello and is all chitchatty.  What freaking planet does he live on?