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  afanador (4:18 pm)

  hi Kim
  
  well there is some sort of communication...so not too bad.
  
  over here no communication. I know someone called this morning and did not leave a message. it was a private number...which makes me think it could have been my husband because he has a private number cell phone. He usually would call and not leave a message. It can't be some marketing person because they always have a number ID, and well, no number and no message. just too fishy. Anyway, who knows. I just hope it is he. Unless it was a stalker , hahahahahaha.
  
  I have so much work and am still a bit weak. Darn.
  
  talk later
  
  sil
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  brad74 (11/21/09)

  I am glad you are hanging in there. All the best to you. Take care. Brad.
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  brad74 (11/19/09)

  Hello Kimkn. How are you? I am okay. I had a recent hospital stay for Chron's disease. I may need surgery. I have a test next month and we will see. I hope this note finds you well. Take care. Brad.
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  afanador (11/18/09)

  hahahaha Kim you are funny. He would not be calling me, I mean, two hours and two calls in one day after all this no-contact nonsense has probalby shocked his system. He will not call. even knowing that I am sick he will not call. He also knows that I am supposed to be in New Orleans, the trip I canceled. Of course, if he does not want me to get excited, then the best thing for him to do is not to call me frequently, that is the honorable thing to do.
  
  I know how you feel about my situation, because I am so anxious for your husband to do the right things for you and your chidlren. That is what i am always hoping for you and Ann. I celebrate every time something positive happens between the two of you....and also seeing you get stronger and stronger.
  
  It has taken ann two years, two years for her husband to start seeing the light.. it is a long haul dear. your separation anniversary just went by, and now is when yours is but barely starting to see the light. i still have a long haul,,,,,a very long haul. ann was saying that maybe my husband realized I was not that bad after all,....hahahahahha.
  
  Also funny, I have not had sex in so long....it will be a year because it must have been in the beginning of december or so. I tthink I had sex during thanksgiving at my mom's. after that I can't remember anything because the relationship went down the drain. I hope he has not had sex since then...sometimes that drive will make you think differently LOL. He knows I know about his sexual issues. If her were not stupid he should think that it is better to address his sexuality with someone who he already knows and is willing to support him than to start with all the same issues with someone new, and risk that he be shunned and rejected because of that. He knows that I was here to stick with him, but that he also had to do something about it.
  
  I am so hoping that all his hopping around wtih his friends has gotten old. That he realize that all that hopping only ends up with you alone in a room, all alone. I hope that his friend's sickness has got him a-thinking about what is meaningful in life. I know he is probably desperate because he can be out of a job like in a minute.
  
  Anyway, I am at peace, am not upset with having spoken to him, actually I am so much more happier and at peace because now I feel like I don't have any enemies. For now that is a big step, more peace. yes
  
  keep me posted with your side of the world
  
  sil
  
  
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  syaujye (11/16/09)

  Kim - I read your hugs to Sil this morning. You didn't mess us and keeping it light is the way to go. Just keep it light. don't try to "talk it over", don't act like it has had much impact on you. I am seeing that giving him lots of space is helping your relations. I don't know why he said what he said about trying to divorce you. It could be so many things, including that he's now opening it as a topic and doing it lightly as a step toward backing away from it. Who knows. Just keep yourself under control and upbeat. If this is what you really want, I think it's what you need to do. Sil is telling you the same thing, so we're both here for you.
  
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  afanador (11/16/09)

  Jeez, Louise, Kim
  
  What!!!! This is hilarious!!!! I can't beleive what I am reading!!!! You and him doing the dead???? YOu have blown my mind away!!!! Okay, for the first time in my life I am without words LOL!!!!
  
  It looks like things are coming together for the both of you. But, Kim, please, please take it easy. You know how we women are...we are so romantic and these types of situations put us on a spin. If you keep your emotions under control, you may very well have the upper hand. Just, don't do it again, 'cause that is one of your cards....let's be real..it is one of your cards, because that is how it works (except for my hubbie who was not interested in sex LOL). But I also see that conversations are hapenning and the animosity has subsided, which is also good. I hope that now you are not nervous around him. Show him the new independent woman you are now. YOu are in conrol, remember that....that is your new mantra...you are in control, you are a fabulous person, he needs to show ;you that he deserves you. I think that right now you have given enough.....mac and cheese...and dessert LOL, so now it is his turn to give. IT cannot be a one way street, don't start with the old behaviors again of you giving more than what you receive.
  
  over here...well...talked to the hubbie for two hours. yes. I had emailed him about a disc I am desperately looking for and also left him a message. I went to visit our friend with cancer and when I got back I left him a message that it would be nice for us to talk about it. this morning he called!!!!!!! He was a little uptight when I first answered but then got into a very peaceful mode of talking. I was not nervous and called him honey all along. so we chat about our friend and his problems, about our conversations years ago regarding his friend dying young, then he went on to some acquaintances. he is very critical of people's behaviors because he has high moral values. all of which, as you very well know, he threw out with the garbage because of his sickness. anyway, chat about our families, and taked some more about cancer research. so, two hours worth, we laughed also.
  
  so, there you go, good move for me to put aside my ego and call him. My friend's illness has got us back talking....and that is a lot to say. I know he is up the creek with his work permit and driver's license this month. and, I know I represent stabiility, but, I need to represent more than that to him. Just the same, one phone call about a friend's illness does not mean much regarding our relationship, and it was a way of supporting each other because we are truly sad for our friend.
  
  Kim, keep me posted. Again, you had me laughing so hard.........
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  afanador (11/13/09)

  hi km
  thanks so much for your well wishes and so much support. I know it is hard to be waiting, and well truth be told, I have nothing else to do. I keep on working on myself and of course, have a full life now. A little too full LOL!!!! Am totally swamped with work phew!!!. next two weeks will be quite busy, going to new orleans for work and then to pennsylvania for thanksgiving. When I travel well I always think that he would have had a great time, like new orleans would have been a blast for him. then, of course, thanksgiving. geez, last thanksgiving we were together at my family's...now....I will be there alll by myself. and he....who knows.
  
  I got a little down 'cause I was reading about rebounds, and the differnet types of relationships they develop. based on what I read, his personality is to hook up with someone for a couple of years (that is what the book said) 'cause he uses these relationships to feel good about himself. of course they said that eventually the relationshp collapses, but it takes a ltime. he is a weak person and needs someone to carry him through. he has no balls to be able to separate from the relationshp because even if he knows he did wrong, he will be under someone who controls him. they said that what he liked about me was my independence and being strong with putting my life in order, is what eventually he construed as control. anyway, it is all a mess. he stays for security but eventually feels that what it takes for security is construed as control. Yikes. so that put me down a little bit. You know how the mind works....I fantasize that they are having a wonderful time, that when he sees her he smiles at her with those shining eyes like he used to do when he saw me. but then I remember that even under those times when he was totally enamored he still had his emotional issues. i figure that if we had problems when we met, and we were together without the variable of another relatioship, I can only imagine his behaviors now with our relationship hovering over them. it must be a total mess, because truth be told he is a total mess, even when he is completely happy. Like I told you, even the day we got married, he was cryiing like I have never seen a man cry of the joy and happiness he had, only to get home and he compeletely change and not touch me for three days, only to show me how he had developed a rash all over his body. how strange my life has been!!! how strange!!! I can imagine that it is even more stranger for them based on the circumstances. what a mess.
  
  so I have these two things in my head, them living beautifully in love and them living a hell.
  
  I was telling ann that I hpe that his friend's illness will make him think about what is valuable in life, and gets his act together, and reconsiders everything. then my friend's illness will not be in vain, and that if we do get together because of his illness, he in turn will also get wel. I have fantasized of me visiting my friend and he also visitingl. but maybe he will be with the other woman, who as you know, is really a zero to the left for me. she is irrelevant to me, she is just one more symptom of his emotional instability. I would not like to be in her shoes, sad position to be in. She must be quite insecure and all this must have her feeling so fearful that he still loves me, because she will not be able to discern that the behaviors are also part of his emotional state. and I feel deep inside that he still loves me, that he thinks of me as much as I think of him. I hope that now adays, when he thinks of me his rage is subsiding and he is questioning all his deicisions. also, he has to think of all this because his job permit runs out this month....what will he do? he must be going mad over all this? poor thing. but it was all his decision.
  
  it must be torture to lie down and think about the mess he is in, and what he detached himself from, a big house, loving wife, job security, new car, someone caring for him, being with someone everyone admires, his future plans to be a pilot, the opportunity to travel to see his family when he wanted. he is also losing his driver's license this month. In summary, his life is collapsing around him. And all for the stupidity of a one month emotinoal relationship with a person he had only known for one month. It is enough for anyone to go bonkers....imagine a person with emotional issues.
  
  of course, I would love to call him and say honey, you don't have to go through all that, you really don't have to. I feel like calling him. what do you think?
  
  wow, I needed to get that ou to fmy chest. thanks for listening to me, I know you understand.
  
  hugs
  
  sil
  
  
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  afanador (11/12/09)

  Hi Kim
  
  things are going okay for me. I get my downs about once or twice daily. Is expected. I am so sad about not seeing my husband...and then I get so mad at how he behaved toward me. You know how the mind works...alll those thoughts torture us. I arguewith him outloud by myself and get that out of my system. THe anger just makes me want to say so many things to him...but I have told him all I that anyway.
  
  i was telling ann that I have a good track record of predicting some futures. for instance, when my exe's friend left his wife for his cousin's wife, I told my husband, and our friend's wife, that that relationshp would not last , and that her husband would be back. well that happened. then I told my husband that another one of his friends would die young leaving a widow and orphans to fend for themsellves. I told him that three years ago. well, kim, I was told this wekk that the friend has been diagnosed with a malignant tumor which has metastized. Again my prediction is coming true. Another one of my friends, who was single at the time bought an apartment with a very steep staircase. I told him he would need to move when he had the twins. well, two years later he met a woman and, yes, they had twins and they had to move out.
  
  all this to say....I had predicted that my husband would come back and he did not..... so that makes me unhappy at times. Anyway, as you very well khow it is all a process. I keep busy, and yes, have been tangoing. bought two pairs of dancing shoes today....yipee. ....
  
  How are things with you?
  
  hugs
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  afanador (11/09/09)

  Hi Kim
  
  It looks like you are doing well. I am so happy to hear you not be as frustrated as you used to be with the situation. I am seeing a lot of healing.
  
  regarding the phone. Geez, I would definitely take that as a message from God. I definitely hope it is a message...because, truth be told .... what are the odds.
  
  I am enamored by tango now...so I keep so busy. danced last saturday for abotu four hours, so right now my feet are swollen. Ohhhh, the sacrifices..... LOL
  
  Keep me posted, and of course, I still keep you in my prayers.
  
  
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  afanador (11/06/09)

  hi honey. I could have sworn I had emailed you several days ago to say hello. over here I am totally absorbed with work....I am soooo tired....this thing of having to work so hard to pay off debts that don't belong to me or that are mine but incurred into because of a stupd marriage is not fair. but i always say I will be rewarded eventually. I am blessed, nevertheless, because I AM getting private referrals. So I am not complaning, just stating how tired I am. In the meantime I have gotten completely obsessed with learning to dance tango. Oh, I so want to dance it to perfection. but I will get there. theatre season is here so am also doing my volunteer job th through sat, and then we usually go out and have some lite fun. I think I told you that I finally turned in my 100 dresses so am eager to see photos of the orphans in africa wearing them!!!!
  
  I continue to pray for my marriage. have not heard anything from him. I miss him and have two times stared to drive toward his work so I can see him from afar *ther is a large window in his work you can see him from the street). But I have desisted. What would that accomplish??? At times I do get mad, and then I get sad, and at times I think of all the abuse,,,then I think of his sickness. My doc prescribed zoloft, but I have not gotten the prescription filled. this weekend will do it. job has me a little stressed because I have not turned in two manuscripts I need to publish to keep my job. but that will happen before the end of the year. Just keep me in your prayers so they are published. You know how that goes, publish or perish.
  
  so, tell me, how are things over in your side of he world?

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