Longwinded

Open Epilepsy & Seizures

Treatments

Depakote Working / Worked

I think I started Depakote late in High School, or early in college, around 1985-86...have been taking it since. Neurologist concerned about effects on liver from long-term use, but attempts to switch to a different med have been ugly.

Dilantin Somewhat Helpful

Took for awhile before Depakote, during the "quest for the right drug" period that I once compared to some sort of game-show where you spun the wheel to decide what my personality would become.

Lamictal Considering

I must apologize for my memory. Its like swiss cheese...thats been melted...and put through a sieve. I can't remember now if my Doc only talked about this drug with me, or if I actually tried it.

Phenobarbital Somewhat Helpful

Tried for awhile after initial diagnosis, but side effects impacted performance in school. I was put on this medication again in 1993 after my diagnosis with Luekemia. Most anti-convulsants are bone marrow suppressants (not a good thing when fighting AML), pheno is not. Mainly it increased my as-yet undiagnosed chemical depression, at a majorly unhappy time. Was later told by new neurologist that it was all wrong for my type of seizure anyway!

Tegretol Not Working

If I remember right, I took it soon after diagnosis with Epilepsy (age 15-16). Side effects of some kind, can't remember what.

Topamax Not Working

See my above comment under Lamictal for an explanation of how bad my memory is. I can't recall if this is the last "new drug" we "experimented" with as a replacement for Depakote, but if its the one, it was an absolute disaster - the side effects were such complete hell I wound up taking a leave of absence from work until it was out of my system.

Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

Complicated. Summary: Depression starting in teen years (but thats "normal" right?). Saw counselors, "talk-therapy" did little to help seratonin deficiency. Suicidal thoughts from around 15 or so, also learned that I had epilepsy. Suspect anti-convulsants helped hold depression in check. Years later, in 1993, blood level test led to diagnosis of Leukemia just in time. During treatment, I was finally officially diagnosed with depression with a seratonin deficiency. SSRI's since then.

Treatments

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Considering

I have heard that I should try this, and been told it would be a good fit for my personality, etc. I have only an abstract knowledge of it, and as far as I'm aware, have never tried it. Would I know if a therapist was using it?

Effexor Working / Worked

Currently taking Effexor XR. I like it by and large, though the hand trembling can irritate at times...I used to do some tiny, precise work with my hands as part of a hobby. Forget that now.

Meditation Considering

My wife did meditation for a long time in the past, and theres a Buddhist temple in my neighborhood (really) offering free lessons. I've heard good things about it, and think it might help me on a lot of levels.

Paxil Somewhat Helpful

My memory is pretty bad, but I know I was on this for awhile, so I'm guessing it was during the period when they were trying to find the right drug for me and balance side effects against bennefits.

Positive Thinking Not Working

You're serious right? "Turn that frown upside down!" I think somewhere inside me, imprisoned by my bio-chemistry, is a happy, hopeful, self-confident person. But in the face of major depression, its hard to be in touch with that. This is a quandry for me, because its like I'm trapped in an abusive relationship with Life: I truly LOVE Life, I'm endlessly amazed by the beauty of it. But at the same time, sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by it, so hurt, all I can think of is escaping it.

Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful

I'm going now. Finding the right therapist is key.

Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful

When I have some, I'll let you know. Just kidding! It is hard though, because I know it must be rough being around someone who's often depressed...I think it would take a saint to not get burned out. And who wants to sleep with a saint? Most family just doesn't "get it", but there are a few friends. Overall though, typical response to suicidal ideation is "how could you even think of doing that to me?"

Wellbutrin Considering

Considering adding this to the cocktail of chemicals I call blood. Recently told that I may have spent my life frustrated by the symptoms of undiagnosed ADD, and that Wellbutrin might help. Also told that it might alleviate some sexual side-effects from anti-depressants. Lastly told it can lower seizure threshold for epileptics...weighing options.

Writing Somewhat Helpful

I've been writing in various forms (including poetry, journaling, and the occaisional short story) since I was a teen. Sometimes, it feels good to get the thoughts out on paper, and for awhile I thought it was important to write down what goes through my mind when I feel suicidal. Does it help? I truly have no idea...

Open Sleep Apnea

Treatments

CPAP Somewhat Helpful

It works when I use it. And I would use it more...but unfortunately the sound it makes keeps my wife from sleeping, and shes the only one working at the moment, so its problematic.

Lose Weight Too Soon to Tell

Open Healthy Sex

I'm 41, male, and kind of a contradiction really. It seems that many romantics have a rose-tinted, "soft-focus" view of love, and shy away from the carnal/erotic. For me the two are in perfect harmony. In much the same way I know many religious people deem sex sinful, while I'm closer to the Tantric belief that if done right, it can be spiritual, even holy.

Treatments

Patience Not Working

Open Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML)

I'm not going into the whole thing here. I was diagnosed in Oct '93, had 3 rounds of induction chemo before going into remission (in Feb I think?) of 1994. At that point, they did a bone marrow harvest so I could be my own donor in the future if I relapsed. I had all the stereo-typical side-effects, and several "opportunistic infections". My marriage was already on the rocks when I was diagnosed, and though I beat the odds and survived, my marriage did not.

Treatments

Bone Marrow Transplant Too Soon to Tell

I didn't have the actual transplant, but a harvest was done, and something like a liter or two of my bone marrow was frozen at Fred Hutchison to give me the option of being my own donor in the future. It was explained that if I relapsed, it would mean that chemo was probably no longer going to be effective, and a transplant would be the only option.

Chemotherapy Working / Worked

I can't recall the exact drugs used (I've got alot of persistent memory problems from multiple causes). I remember having all the usual side effects, and being given something like Odansatron (sp?) for nausea, which helped.

Prayer Working / Worked