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MareLL 
11:48am, July 13, 2009
Well, I had another drinking dream last night and woke with bad feelings that have stayed with me all day.....for some reason lately, I just cannot shake these 'bad' feelings and I wish I could figure out why or find a more effective way of ignoring them. They've infected me. I wonder if it has anything to do with realizing recently (last few months) that just because I'm sober, things are going to be easy and peachy keen. That has been a rude awakening to me. Call me lazy, naive or whatever; I really thought that things would be easier for me once I'd shaken the devil drink. Maybe its the realization that I will never be rid of that guy. He will always be hanging out nearby; waiting to pounce on me during a weak moment. Lately, I've found that I've had a lot of weak moments. I haven't been to many meetings lately and that bothers me the most. However, I haven't made too many efforts to get off of my butt and get to meetings; it's just been easier to go home and go to bed than do much of anything.
I don't even really care to see my boyfriend much these days; I'm fine with laying in bed and watching movies until I get to sleep.
I wish I could get the steam that I had a few months ago back. I just don't know how. I'm sure that everyone is sick of hearing me talk about the same feelings, over and over. Shoot, I'm tired of hearing myself think!!!
Comments
I know the feelings you are expressing here. Know that you are not alone. I go through periods when I get down about things just not out. That you recognize things and people & places even that are potential triggers is a good thing. Sounds like a bit of depression you are experiencing. THANKFULLY these are only dreams. For me, my dreams carry a reality power. I dream things that come to be even if its not in the form exactly.
Sometimes you need fresh perspective to get the "steam" back again. Try changing up eating different things. Grab a camera get out and about and take random photos every place you go. When you get them home & uploaded to your computer I BET you'll see things in them that you missed and they are simple things. The little things bring me the most joy. Call up a friend for no reason other than to just say 'hey.' Write a note you've been meaning to. Journal your truest thoughts & feelings. Take a long leisurely walk. People watch. Change things up. I pray all best for you.
coffeevixen