Join Now
MareLL 
11:48am, July 13, 2009
Well, its Hump Day again and it's two days before my 18 month anniversary. I guess because I'm still in a daze from another sleepless/restless night or what but I'm trying very hard to get excited about my pending anniversary.....Marc told me he'd make reservations for dinner; I have to admit that I am skeptical if he will actually remember to do that. I'm already preparing myself for disappointment. I don't really know what to expect from him anymore...not, lately.
Anyhow, I'm aware that I should think of the anniversary as something I've accomplished, something for ME, something for ME to be proud of - problem is, I weigh too much on others' behavior. I feel like if my anniversary isn't acknowledged, it's not important....it should be important for ME.
Well, I'm still working on that.....I'm now in the process of planning a meeting or two tonight, tomorrow and my fave on Friday night. I also want to treat myself to something special - not sure what. Why can't I just be satisfied with having the DATE? UGH. I exhaust myself with all of these thoughts......
Comments
I 100% hear you. I celebrate MONTHLY soberversaries VERY publicly & proudly. I make a big deal out of it each day for myself. Its funny this weekend a friend & I were talking & we agreed how folks were jumping our butts to get sober & now that we have its like we're totally fixed. SO. NOT. TRUE. Its takes a while to stop relying on what others say, do and don't do. Its a disappointment to me when folks forget about my sobriety. It was important to them that I get sober. Now that I am ???? WHATEVER! is what I say anymore. I'm going to celebrate even if I have to do it MYSELF. I hope Marc makes the reservations & helps you celebrate!
All best!
coffeevixen