Join Now
MareLL 
11:48am, July 13, 2009
Okay, here we go again. It's Monday at that sucks but it's also a Monday that sucks because I'm feeling really down and crazy about things; Marc, Ron, his mother, everything. I just feel overwhelmed and don't know where to turn. I keep trying to think of things to do to make myself feel better and not having a lot of luck. I wish I could talk w/Susan right now. I just feel crazy and a little out of control. I wish that there was a way for me to calm myself down. I'm listening to some music and trying to remain focused as much as I can on work. Bill is busy today so that is good for me as well. Let's hope that the day goes by quickly. I do plan on laying down in the getaway room if its available. I also need to walk across the street to that mini mart and get some more ciggies and something for lunch.
I WISH I HAD SOME RELIEF. No wonder my thoughts about drinking have increased; I'm feeling completely lost and overwhelmed and as much as Marc tries to make me feel better by offering to do things for me, what I really need I feel that I can't get from him. That's either because I dont' make myself clear and/or he just doesn't pick up on what I really need. The reason why I have so many doubts is because Im not being reassured by him.
Comments
I have been here sooooooooooo many times. I call what I experience like this "storms." Chaotic, restless, many thoughts like being in a tornado with your feet planted firmly on the ground yet you are being pushed, pulled, screamed out etc from every direction & you don't know what to do or who to seek guidance from. Music, journaling, walking in nature and cleaning like mad. I internalize a LOT. Its hard for me as well & its speaks volumes what you put towards the end of your entry; not getting what you need even when others are offering up themselves with help etc. Reassurance is HUGE. I am lacking in getting that as well. Its really hard & I want you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling.
coffeevixen