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mixi 
1:01pm, February 10, 2009
I haven't stayed sober for three days, as my heading would suggest.
I'm drunk right now!
God knows, I TRY, but I don't know why I bother.
I drink in an effort to find some escape from the pain that dogs my evry waking moment - and keeps me from sleeping properly.
Every time I think I've made a breakthrough with my husband - who drinks every night for no other reason than that he wants to - he finds another way to make me feel like I've let him down.
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Kick the habit, now!
3 days sober
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Ask yourself honestly "Do you really try? ". You wrote this: haven't stayed sober for three days, as my heading would suggest. I'm drunk right now!
That doesn't sound like really trying going on. I sense a lot of denial going on. And a lot of anger. In addition to the physical pain and frustration you are having.
You do seem to be an alcoholic but you yourself really are going to have to come to that truth if you want to get to the point of lasting sobriety.
You are abusing alcohol and probably other drugs or medications also. Your profile mentions marijuana use. On top of it your hubby is also abusing substances (alcoholic).
Alcohol is a lousy way to self medicate to treat sleep problems, chronic pain, and depression. (YES, I believe you are depressed.) Alcohol is a depressent.
You need professional help, rehab could help you if you let it and are willing to work at it. But you are going to have to probably hit the bottom hard before you are really going to try to dig yourself out of the hole you are in.
I think it is possible you may have some other co-occuring disorders going on but you should get eval by a professional to find that out.
Are you on disability? Are you getting any help for the alcohol addiction? I hope so. If not, look into that possibility. The tone in your posts sounds very angry, and you stated you were drinking. Hard to tell now if you have a problem with anger as your mind is altered by the drinking but it may be you do have issues with anger going on.
I hope you are able to get the help you need. But you need to want help first. I am not sure you do at this momment. Good luck.
mianutzy
I just read you profile. If you are depressed and an alcoholic, you really need to be on the appropriate anti depressants and be avoiding the alcohol. It is no wonder you cannot dig out from the depression you are in. I think the alcohol is affecting you interactions with others... and that is why your support is so limited. You come across as an angry, negative and demanding probably because of your drinking and probably no one wants to be around someone with such behavior going on frequently. I don't even know if you really want any help honestly. I do sense your pain however and wish you didn't have to endure it.It is possible to overcome long term addiction but it is very difficult. But it is going to require you to really commit yourself to not turning to alcohol to deal with pain and other issues in your life. Take care.
mianutzy
mianutzy.
I can't read your message because I can't open it!
mixi
I am not sure why you are having a problem with opening it? Maybe you hit the wrong button. I am going offline but will be back later. take care.
mianutzy
Still can't open your message, mianutzy!
I click on it, but I get directed to your profile!
mixi
Oh Maggie, honey, you are in a vicious cycle that will never allow you the power to fight if you don't break it. Alcohol is only going to weaken your will to fight and weaken your body's ability to heal.
I don't know what to say but that you are killing yourself and you deserve to live a more healthy and sober life. Keep fighting. I pray for you my friend. You are in for the battle of your life and I wish I could help you through it, but this is a battle you have to WANT to fight and with an alcoholic husband as your support system, it will be even harder to achieve your sobriety, but if you WANT it you can achieve it.
Good luck and you are in my prayers.
Love, You Friend
Terrie
gapch65
I give up!
Gapch, I can't get into your message.
When I click on it, I just get directed to your profile!
mixi
These are complete posts, not messages to be opened... What you see is these posts in their complete form, nothing to be opened here! :-)
LisaNeedsHelp