Join Now
janimal 
Well my husband's one year bone marrow transplant is approaching on April 15th. We are scheulded to go back to MD Anderson for all the one year tests. I can't imagine not getting our weekly blood work at home anymore. I wonder when it will stop. I depend on it so much. It gives me a peace of mind as to what is going on in that body of his. It helps me understand why he feels the way he does that week. Every week is different. Actually, every day is different. The roller coaster ride goes on and on. Down to 12mg. of melth. predisone every other day. The last reduction was so bad, I dread the next one. I think my husband is very unconnected to everything in his life. His eyes are so messed up from the steroids, he can barely see. They say after he gets cataract surgery he will be able to see again and the steroids will not be able to affect the fake lenses. I can hardly wait for him to be able to drive again. My life seems to be on hold too. I feel guilty to have fun when he seems so miserable with fatique. His stomach issues are a mess. I wonder if he will have a normal bowel movement again. I hate shit. My dad had a colostopy, that bag thing. He was blind and couldn't clean himself. It was quite gross. Then one of my husbands son's had all these crap issues until he was 12, poor guy. Now my husband has to wear a diaper at the age of 56. Sometimes I think my life is crap. But I remind myself, it is not about me, and to get out of myself, count my blessings, make a gratitude list, and know God is in control and has a awesome plan for our lives. I must believe He will turn all this crap into something beautiful in the end, and He will get all the glory. When I think about Jesus dying on the cross to save my bad self and how much He loved me, cleaning up crap is small.
