How do l feel today? well i feel …
How do l feel today? well i feel very angry and hurt for the way l have been abused by certain people and my only way …
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moonstruckme 
7:31am
I'm so sleepy,I can hardly keep my eyes open.Binging on cookies right now and feeling nauseas from them.Enough of those.Yuck!Went to therapy this morning.It was a good session.Yea...Its been so stressful lately so i'm really glad we had a calm session for once.she let me talk about my dissociating.she's going to contact her old collegue who had alot of experience in dissociative disorders and ask him if he will help her, help me so to speak.This is exciting for me,I hope she doesnt forget and not follow thru.This means so much to me,it shows me she really cares and wants to help me.and hopefully she will learn something from him ,that will help me,because i am direly needing help these days.Anyhow,this came about because i was telling her how my appointment went with new pdoc last nite,(it went badly).she felt sad for me and it insipired her to suggest that she contact him.Plus she gave me a new book to read on Shame.It looks like it is going to be triggering and sad.I guess I need to get in touch with the feelings ,but I'm feeling scared to read this book.My parents were big on shame.My mom's favorite thing to say to me when she was disciplining me was"You should be so ashamed of yourself"and also when i told her about incest that was going on in my house.she said this"You have a sick,twisted mind and shouldnt be thinking such dirty nasty things about ur family and I should be so ASHAMED! of myself,yadda,yadda,"So obviously she didnt believe me and a part of me died that day.so yeah this should be a tough book to read......
Still worrying about carbon monaxide....another day.....Yawn.sometimes i really bore myself.Oh my 16 year old had his appointment with counselor last nite for the first time.I dont know how it went because he is keeping it "personal".So he just said she was nice and he wanted to go back.I will take this as a good sign for him and he actually seems a little more pleasant to be around since he talked to her but I wont cross my fingers and jinx it yet! I really hope he gets something out of therapy.I love him so much and just dont want to see him hurting.Ya know.Ok thats it for now
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Hey, your post has a tone of positive to it - you're getting some good support now from your therapist and I truly hope she follows through on the dissociative disorder contact. That would be great! It sounds like the 'shame' book is going to be a trigger, but it might be the right thing to read at the right time you know, time to face that stuff and get some healing and *know* that you don't *need* the shame, you don't need to be ashamed of anything and that it's time now that you allowed yourself to grow through this.
I always take it slowly with books like that. Bite sized pieces - read what I can, absorb it, put it down for a while, think, dip back in...
I hope you find it helpful and useful.
Thinking of you *hugs* xxoo
ZenEm