moonstruckme's Journal

Ugh!! my nerves are bad.I am worried about so many things at once.just  trying to relax and survive and be me to my best ability.need some control.there must be something to make me feel in control.Inspection is over thank god.My son has a counseling appointment today where I go to therapy but with a diferent therapist.Scared how it will affect my therapy .Brings a new dynamic to the therapy i think.I will need to be the "mommy" and not the needy little girl.Hm...wonder how it will go.Oh well my kids will always come first and if he needs to be there,then be there he will be and my needs will take the back burner.I suppose my parenting skills will be put under a microscope and be attacked.Bring it on.It doesnt matter in the end all that matters is that he's ok and right now i'm not really sure that he is.he is 16 oh and i signed on the computer this morning and he had left up his facebook and there was a message from a girl asking him irf he was really having a kid.now of course I shouldnt have read it but i did and i'm not going to ask him what that meant.I will find out eventuially and i really didnt mean to read his stuff.anyway.tonite i have a pdoc appointment where I'm supposed to explain what my dissociation problems are to the new pdoc.All pdocs dont believe in this so I dont know what his response will be and i think I'm too shut-down to care much right now but eventually I will care and it will make me mad if he's a jerk about it..Need to breathe.I am so tired and now i'm worring about carbon monaxide all the time.I know it sounds crazy but whatever i probably am.Its just that since the heat came on everybody in the house is so tired all the time and of course my detectors are not going off so i feel like i'm crazy but still think there must be low level carbon m in this house.It is so old and my landlord is the typical slum landlord who will do nothing.If the detector shows anything i will call the gas and electric company right away but I just feel too embarressed.