Noods's Journal

just really in here to have an update, not been on here much lately, been so busy with recovery and all sorts with the kids.

Discovered a diary , which i tell myself about my illness, when I read it, I was screaming for help, but no one was listening.  Hence the bottle.

I felt very moved by it, and like, omg, I wish I had known that person to help.  I could have helped myself at the time, but I was so sick.

Its hard reading stuff like that, it makes me almost feel that I am another person now, a better stronger person. 

I also read that Paul was happy to take time off to be with me.  One thing I have to come to terms with is the fact that I feel unloved, or not loved to my expectations.  But, he does, it was very clear in those diaries that his support was there, I just wasn't letting anyone in.

Well, today is a good day, although I didn't sleep last night, I am up and about to take kids to school.  Mum who i adore is coming over, she'll be here about 10ish.  Have to take Ben to the dentist first.

I'm off to Scotland for the Dumfries 55th yr convention this Thursday.  I need the break and will enjoy the experience of it, can't wait.

Well, best get motivated.  I guess I continue to do what I do , talk to God all the time lately, really don't want to go back, and I feel a strong connection that he is there for me.

He must be, yesterday, found out I had no OIL in my car!  OMG, wondered why it kept stalling.  Thanks God, for being so lovely.