MC09's Journal

I am always sad and i hate it!!! it feels like i will always be this way...forever. I wish that my life was different and perfect. I hate being the way i am... its so depressing. Why did all of this happen to me. Why did i let a man take advantage of me? I am weak...i let someone take advantage of me and hurt me. I can't understand why god would want this for me? Why would he let this happen to anyone? It doesn't make sense at all. I have trouble believing in god right now. My stepmom is all religious and everything, and everythime she brings up god i cringe. I'm not sure that a god would exsist that would allow people to hurt the way i do. I thought he was suppose to watch out for you and help you when you need it...well i'm not changed..i still hurt.

Life is so complicated, and i learned at a really young age how hard it is. When your a kid u just live moment to moment...you don't care about tomorrow or next year...everything is perfect. Well now that i'm older i look to the future alot...and when i do i see nothing. i don't see me in a future. Its hard for me to picture how things are going to be later on. Right now my life hurts me and makes me not want to see a future. I almost want no future...i don't like the person i am...i don;t think i am worth being alive.