This is my first day on Daily Strength. …
This is my first day on Daily Strength. I am already feeling welcome here. It has been a long road for me already, as I …
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LillyLaSombra 
1:24pm, August 6, 2009
So I found out my mother isn't really just taking my kids to see fireworks... my cousin let it slip that she is having a big cookout tomorrow and everyone is invited except me. She was just pretending to be on my side, and she just wants to let my grandparents take my son to see my ex behind my back. My own mother doesn't believe me that he abused us, or else why would she and my sisters and my dad and my grandparents all be against me and call me a liar and want my son to be with his abuser?! ITs ridiculous and I'm heartbroken. This is all MY fault because I brought that SOB into our lives. He raped me, but I never called the cops... I just tried to "fix it" and I was SOOOOO stupid!!! I was so stupid for even bringing him home without my parents home. I never intended on sex. I was saving myself. After he raped me I felt like I HAD to marry him... twisted I know... but I was soooo confused.
Now I just want to black my eyes and punch myself and beat myself with a hammer until I have sufficiently punished myself... which will probably be NEVER. I guess I deserve for my family to treat me this way. They are sucessfully breaking my heart into millions of peices that can NEVER be glued back together.
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Lilly, I wish I knew what to say to you. I am a Christian, too. I would like to plead with you to not hurt yourself, and to realize that it isn't your fault the jerk hurt you. Maybe you shouldn't have brought him home, but HE shouldn't have raped you. What a monster. I'm sending you hugs, and prayers to God for you.
tracyjay
Sweets, go get your son. Do not let anyone in your family take him anywhere and u need to let the court know about the rape. Do not hurt yourself or u will lose custody of your baby because the court will think that ur unstable. U stand your ground, take the evidence to the court and have your son talk to the friend of the court, so he can tell the court what his father was doing to him. I also want u to know that ur not alone in this. I am here for u and many other friends have your back too. When u get feeling this hopeless, worthless and afraid...Pray. It will give u peace and understanding. I knwo what its like to be abused as a child and also now still deal with feelings of despair etc, but praying to god and seeing a counselor or talking to friends help. If u work on fixing the situation by doing what your lawyer and the court tells u to do, this will also bring peace to u and make u feel alot better. I'm always here for u and love u lots! Big hugs! Rachel
Rac87el