LillyLaSombra's Journal

I did a lot better today than yesterday. I went to take my meds today and found the meds from yesterday still in my pillbox. I guess that is why yesterday was  so bad... I forgot my meds. No wonder my heart was racing... I didn't take my heart meds.

My son pointed out to me today that my ex is lying in his petition against me. He claimed he gave up visitation from my son because he didn't know English. My son said he spoke English fine to him and his girlfriend. He knows the claim of not speaking English is a lie, and besides, I think a judge would know even if you don't speak the same language as your child, you are not going to quit visiting just because of that!! The fact he just gave up his visitation screams that he was GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!

I'm feeling a bit stronger today. I am starting to see that I have everything going for me. I've done nothing wrong. I have let my self esteem slip too much and I've been beating myself up over nothing... feeling like a bad mother because my grandparents for some reason took my ex's side and they are attacking me... it isn't my fault... I don't run around doing drugs and drinking and sleeping around. I take care of my children. I keep a clean house (unless I'm incapacitated from illness, which isn't my fault either)... I'm just doing the best I can to keep my son safe.

It is just so hard to let go of the past trauma... I want to forget it, but these things, like the petition against me, won't let me forget and move on.

Four good things that happened:

1. played cards with my kids

2. making rice in my new steamer turned out well

3. I acheived all my goals from yesterday

4. I came up with a solution to a problem I've had for years

Things I worried about/got upset about:

1. answering my son's questions about his bio dad truthfully without bad-talking him

2. daughter spread dirt from houseplants all over kitchen

3. kids have been looking forward to going to movies with my mom, but I'm afraid she isn't going to come through for them

4. scheduling appointment with lawyer and hubby needing time off for that and my son's therapy and my doctor appt.

Goals:

1. Hang all laundry

2. Wash at least 2 loads

3. Empty laundry basket from closet into drawers

4. Play a game with kids