callie344's Journal

I have had some really great experiences lately, and I know that I would never be living the life I am right now with out having surgery. Before I didn't even feel like a woman. Very genderless and not attractive to the average man. I didn't realize how differently I was treated and not "seen". The wall that obesity puts up is more than a physical one. I certainly was not aware of the density it had until recently.

This past Saturday we had a birthday party for our daughter Diana. She turned 4 and I officially have no more babies around the house. :( Last year when she turned three I invited all the same people that came this year. Literally no one showed up last year, and we just had a little family party for her, just the five of us at home. This year we had a full house, 21 people, including half of them children, came to her party. I was able to run a whole day of activites and managing food with out one bit of being tired out. I don't think I sat down for a minute the whole day. We bar-b-que'd 4 whole chickens, and they were so tender! Every one brought a side dish, and we had lots of food. I was so not affected by the food, it was kinda cool. I did eat a few things here and there but didn't go crazy like I would've before surgery. The people that came made me really feel like a star. They were all complementing me and being so much friendlier than normal. People are just treating me with more respect now than they used too, its really weird. I didn't realize how profound the affect would be on the people closest to me. I think they are all genuinely happy and proud of me. I feel good and a little overwhelmed. Because when it's over I'm almost left feeling sad. Damn depression symptoms trying to creep back in I guess.

Then Sunday, I went hiking with my neice again. We hiked around Mt. Tabor again and timed ourselves to see how fast we could do it. Mind you this is not a flat route and includes 176 stairs and a 400 ft climb up a steep trail. It's exactly 2 miles to go one lap around the mountain, which really is more like a butte. The first lap we did took us 43 mins. The second lap took 41 mins. So we hiked this 4 miles in less than an hour and a half! Wow, we felt so good afterwards like our bodies were so strong. I didn't get nearly as out of breath as I did the first attempt we did this. And my body wasn't pulsing with blood circulation. I think the first time we did this it took us an hour to do one lap around. We keep joking that someday we'll jog like everyone eles does around us.

Normally a weekend like that would have killed me when I weighed 344. Actually there would have been no weekend like that a year ago, it was just an impossibility. With lower mobility and killer foot pain all the time. Plus sleep apnea made me so exhausted constantly. I would never have been able to or even wanted to plan that kind of a weekend. It's like now I can actually participate in life. I can do things now. I let myself do things now.