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angel of sorrow 
I feel depressed and hopeless today, like nothing really matters anymore. I cut myself again. i don't want to stop cutting. IT makes everything go away for me. THe hallucinations are back. Such a strange holiday season.....not that jolly, eh? I feel so lonely, like no one can see me anymore. I feel like I'm losing my mind and they just watch me as I fall.
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I'm in a bad mood today because I have so many things due at school. My grandfather is in the hospital, and I am really close to him. Just little things seemed to tick me off today. I felt anxious, depressed, and angry. For what reasons, I do not know. I still think a lot about suicide, but everything is locked away. I'm trying to be cheerful this christmas season, but it's really hard to do. I don't want to disappoint my family at christmas and winter solstice. Though they really don't care about the wiccan holiday. I feel like cutting a lot. IT helps calm me down when I am stressed. Happy st. Nickolis day everyone
Last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a while. I had a knife to my neck and was threatening to slit my throat, the police came, and tricked me. They jumped me, and ended up spraining my neck, along with two long slashes across my neck. I felt so horrible because once I was admitted to the hostipal, I realized how much pain I had caused my family. With God's Prayers, and help from the Wiccan spirits ( half catholic, half wiccan, yes, it's strange but it's me) I was able to stablize quickly and return home. TOday I am also going to see my therapist to discuss ways to deal with my addiction to cutting, and ways to deal with rejection,
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There is nothing wrong with being Wiccan and Catholic...refer to druids and pagan rituals that were done in early Roman times. I think if you search you will find they all have some similarities. I did notice that that face is now in an okay status...see some progress! Keep talking. Please, try to love yourself! You are your own master..you control your emotions and remember NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!!! Call to the 5 points for protection and peace...you should understand that.
Past Entries
| December 2006 |
Friday, 12/01
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November 2006 |
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Thursday, 11/30
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Thursday, 11/30
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Hang in there. Have you ever considered maybe getting some outside help from a counslor who can help you with some issues? I will keep you in my thoughts
jenickki
Would it help to talk a little about these halucenations? I've had some experience with that myself. Also, you are not invisabil, I see you...or at least I see what you have written on DS and your pics.
Samaru