Journal

It's been some time since I wrote in this....I forgot it was even an option!  ;)

Basketball season has started and my Celtics won tonight :)

Now if only my Red Wings can play better hockey ;)

It's funny....I spend 13 years away from my home team and now that I'm back in Michigan they're doing terrible??  What's up with that!?

These past few months have been interesting to say the least.

My life....even though others have lived longer....is always pretty interesting I'd say.

It took me some time to adjust to living with my Aunt and Uncle here in Michigan and I've loved the fact that it's not so hot and humid like it is in Florida.

The lack of humidity and frequent barometric pressure changes have seemed to decrease my migraines and seizures so that is good.

But alas, I miss my boyfriend just a little too much so I will be on my way back to the Sunshine State in like 2 weeks.

My boyfriend will be flying in on the 5th and I'm very excited because he will get to meet a lot of my family and people who have helped me out while I've been here.

My Uncle Bob who lived with my Grandpa in Florida died unexpectedly earlier this month so my Grandpa asked if I'd like to come stay with him.

My uncle was buried in Wisconsin on our tribe's reservation and it was my first visit there.  Everyone was my cousin!  It was quite an interesting experience and I was glad to be a part of a "close to traditional" Native American funeral.

Since my Uncle Bob spent most of his life in Michigan there will be a memorial feast on Nov. 7th and Mike will be able to see how everyone pitches in to help.

That's something I've noticed around here.  This whole state is feeling the effects of the bad economy yet they all help each other out.  In Fl, all I noticed were people complaining about it.  And since my PKD and seizures have prevented me from being like I used to and have made me need extra help I lost so many friends down there.  That made me really sad and angry at first but I realized that the ones I do have are the ones to hang on to and I shouldn't let the others bring me down.  My family and new friends here helped raise over $1,000 for the PKD foundation and my family went on the walk with me and it was so cool to get all of that support.  

So, although I will miss what little of the seasons I got to see and my family here I still am glad to be going back.  Mike plans on getting out of FL as fast as possible but hit a financial bump a bit ago when he didn't work for almost a month.  He's back to working now and getting caught up on debt and is even thinking we may go to Tennessee for a bit since his family told him we could stay rent free for awhile.  Of course he'd have to find work there but we're just taking it one day at a time.

Mike eventually wants to get me back here since he knows I love it so much and has noticed the good effects the climate has had  on my health so hopefully I will be back soon. :)

I'm a little gypsy I think since I've moved sooo much in my mere 26 years....but I like it.  I feel like I'm sent places sometimes and usually while I'm there or shortly after I leave people tell me that I've "shed light" on things and good things tend to happen.

I can't explain that but I think it's cool.

So, the winds are changing once again!  I'm just happy to be near Mike again because that has been the hardest part of my adjustment.

I only had to wait six years to reunite with him again and then having to be separated so quickly....*sigh*  it's just been tough.

I don't know if I talked about him or not but I'll give a short version:

Mike and I dated back when we were 19-20 and because of being "young and stupid" we broke up and would chat with each other occasionally online throughout the years and then RIGHT before I got really sick we started hanging out again.

Then when the doctors upped my Topamax and I had the 2 week "not even knowing who I was" trip I ended up at his place and he helped me through the whole thing and the painful withdrawal from the drug.

Through that process and since I had nowhere to go while I was waiting for my Uncle to come bring me to MI we reconnected and realized that we were crazy in love still and wanted to give our relationship another shot.

I had pretty much accepted the fact that I would never get involved in another relationship again because I knew children weren't an option for me and I didn't know if anyone would even want to be with someone with as many medical issues as I have....but Mike does and he when I'm near him he takes amazing care of me and is seriously the calmest and best person I've ever met in my life.

So I'm in love of course and if the future allows I'm sure he'll be in mine :)

I've adjusted to a lot since my medical issues have become debilitating and I'm dealing with a lot of daily struggles but in a much better way.

I've come to realize that it's not the end of my life and that in a way I'm luckier than most because I don't have to worry about things like jobs or any of that.  I am also very lucky to have my aunt and uncle and everyone else who is helping to house me and provide me with my basic needs.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay them but they of course say I don't need to.

Well I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!  I'm supposed to be going on some haunted hayride thing with some cousins and I haven't been to one of those in years so I'm looking forward to it!

I will miss my Aunt's cooking and all of the deer meat butchering and indulging!  (They brought 11 back from our res trip!)  But hopefully I will be able to return eventually.

Reconnecting with my heritage has helped a lot too.

It's funny how no matter how long you've been away from the tribe...you still notice the little traditions and beliefs that have stuck with you.

It feels nice to have a better understanding of where I come from now that I'm old enough to understand it.

Well, that's all for now....going back to sports watching!

Thinking about and praying for you all as usual,

Jenn

Thought I'd share another poem:

"Lovett"

By:  Jennifer Neal (copyrighted Jennifer Neal 2009) 

I've named you Lovett
because there are times
when you cause me so much pain
so much heartbreak
so much misery

But then I remember that you are a part of me
from that I cannot hide
I can run
but you always remind me
because you're deep inside

so I learn to love you
my dearest, Lovett

no matter how hard it is
I adore you unconditionally

no matter what you do

I love you

that which we have grown to hate
from our own selves that we cannot escape
I learn to love it
and let it go

I love you, Lovett
and you'll always know

 This poem is about my polycystic kidney disease...I used to say the cysts on my kidneys were alien babies ;) .... then I just named it one giant baby...and his name is Lovett. :)