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Alexizmom 
10:59am, August 19, 2009
I came across this and thought I would share it with all of you......
I seem to be falling apart.
My attention span can be measured in seconds.
My patience in minutes.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
I forget things constantly.
The morning toast burns daily.
I forget to sign checks, half of everything
in the house is misplaced.
Feelings of anxiety and restlessness
are my constant companions.
Rainy days seem extra dreary;
Sunny days seem an outrage.
Other people's pain and frustrations seem insignificant.
Laughing, happy people seem out of place in my world.
It has become routine to feel half crazy.
I am normal, I am told.
I am a newly grieving person.
I thought I was loosing my mind but I guess all of this is normal. The only thing that isn't normal is my life and it will never be again.
Oh my Alexiz, mommy loves you and I miss you so badly. Everyday is one day closer to the day I will be with you and I promise I will never let you go.
Comments
I was told that "You need to get over it, you have other children!" Get over it? How does anyone expect a mother to get over their baby dying? I just got done carrying this precious angel for 9 months and beating every obsticle that came my way during my pregnancy. I delivered a beautiful, heathy, baby girl. I only got to hold her in my arms and kiss her for 26 very short days. My world turned upside down on December 29,2008 to awake and find my baby dead. Part of me died with her. I relive the moment of finding her everyday. Her look, the feel of her lifeless body and me trying to bring her back with CPR. I think about this everyday all day long. I love her so much and miss her so badly!! I know I have other children believe me they are the only reason that life for me continues. I don't love them less because I am dealing with the loss of Alexiz.
I try not to talk about Alexiz with people. Because I wonder if alot of people feel the same way, " I need to get over it?" I guess people put a time limit on grieving. If someone brings Alexiz up I comment but it is short and brief. I wouldn't wish the feelings I have for loosing my baby on my worst enemy. The pain at times is almost unbearable.
I miss you my precious angel and mommy loves you so very much!!!!!
Comments
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There is no "getting over it" there is a point where you just end up living ith it, but really you are still early in your loss depsite what others around you may think. People suck!!!! The hell with em! I will talk about my Nick because it helps me. I refuse to not talk about him because it makes others sad or uncomfortable...they can deal with those feelings....what we feel is a forever loss....there is no getting over that....tell them to piss up a rope!!! HUGS
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People who haven't been through what we have been through just don't understand, and never will. It's only been 6 weeks since my Austin died and I talk about him ALL the time. I figure if people don't like it, they will just avoid me and that is fine too. I think something like this shows you who your true friends are.
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I always say back would you say that to an amputee "you still have other arms" Our babies that are gone were unique and special. I will never "get over" losing Hank. What kind of person would I be if I acted like he didn't mattter, his birth and death didn't affect my soul. I think you should talk about Alexiz as much as you want to anyone who will listen and if they won't we are all here for you. Much love
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I lost my Lily almost one year ago and I still talk about her all of the time. You are right. We don't get over it. We learn how to live with it. We love and miss our babies so much and someone who has never gone through this wouldn't get that. Stay strong girl. I am praying for you.
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I agree with what everyone has said. It's been about 8 weeks since we lost Kaitlyn and there have been occations that I've brought KT up and people change the subject right away because they are uncomfortable. I change it right back. They aren't the ones who lost a child. For me it helps to talk about her. I don't ever want to forget my little munchkin. When i returned to work 2 weeks after she passed i sent an all employee email telling everyone not to be afraid to talk to me or come into my office. I think it helped.
I have finally entered my precious angels room. The smell in the room is of my baby. The room smells of baby lotion and Downy. The suitcase that I packed for her when we went out of town is still packed. I opened it and started taking out her clothes and had to stop. It was hurting too badly. The clothes that my mom got her for Christmas, still on hangers with tags on them, hanging on the door knob. I couldn't handle it I fell to my knees and bawled. Her beautiful bedroom with all her beautiful clothes, her baby bed, the cd that I played for her all the time still in the cd player, it's like time stood still in there. Oh it hurts so badly. I walked out of her room and before I closed her door I looked around at everything then closed the door. I know this was a big step. Oh my precious baby girl I MISS YOU SO BADLY. Mommy loves you so much.
UPDATED GOALS
Go into Alexiz's room
Progress 100%
Encouragements: 0
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So very familiar and true!
brandylee82
wow...so true & well put!
Leosmommy
what an accurate little poem, that was certainly all true for me
StephaniePaige
My sympathy for your lose. I have not lost a child, and I can't imagine what you feel, but my son lives with his dad 2000 miles away and I miss him like the flowers miss the sun. So I know the ache......God bless you.
Pennyphone