ricksdar's Journal

I just love Spring!!!!!!! I just found out that I get to go out on the road to Illinois with my hubby in the big truck!!!! It has been almost two years since I have taken a trip with him that was more than two days. We have needed this time together so bad lately. There is nothing like living in a truck to get to know someone! I once was out 18 days with him!!! I have been through so much this last 45 days with my health and family matters. I am out of remission again, meaning that I am growing another bone mass. This one is also on the rib cage or extending one that is already there. The worst of the pain is over, so I am hoping that it will be all over by the time I get home. Sometimes the vibration of the truck is soothing for me and sometimes it makes it worse.  I know this time I will be fine because the Lord made it possible for me to go! I had to have a refill of my Soma for the trip and I was worried that since it was a few days early they wouldn't fill it but they did. Then we were worried about the money to feed me too on the road. He asked his boss for an advance on his per Diem and he is getting the check as we speak! I have finally learned,(get the finally part! ) through my years of lessons, that I need to be patient and wait to see if I'm suppose to do at times. We prayed to see if it was going to be okay financially. Everything seems like a go.

I feel like I have been put through the ringer twice and then put out to dry! With my youngest going through her bull crap. I finally realized that she is going through that time all new adults do when they have to do it all their own way and don't want to answer to anyone. Between her lies, dropping out of college, moving in with a man she only knew for a month, getting fired from a second job and now bouncing checks, I figured she will be finding out really fast how fun it is to be an adult! I know she doesn't want me to know because she isn't really proud of where she is. We are finally talking some. She calls Dad all the time and that is good. She did call me when she was sick and scared, so now at least I know she will call when she knows she is in real trouble.

Rick and I also discovered that there is an entire ten years or so of catching up on somethings we need to do. We have always prided ourselves on being able to talk about anything. We had never even fought, a little knit pick now and then but nothing to write home about. We discovered there is still much to learn about each other. This empty nest this is not something to take lightly. We were so busy raising children, fighting my disease, keeping bill collectors at bay and just plain surviving that we had slowly drifted apart. Now we start getting back to the basics. It is almost like being 20 again. Being able to run around the house naked if we want. Yes, the curtains are closed and doors locked! Our son only lives one block away. We learned, okay I learned, that I need to cut the apron strings with the kids, let them handle their own problems. This is all so new to me. Being a shut in doesn't help much. I have been working o building up my strength so I could go outside and do my flower gardens. I'm getting the house back to the way I kept it prior to this damn illness. After ten years, it needs a mommy cleaning. I'm trying to be more of a wife again. I love being able to do things for Rick. I just let God help me find the strength and then I go. I'm so blessed. I get to fall in love all over again! Not that we our out of love, but that young love full of passion and romance when each new day is exciting and you can't wait to be in each others arms. We found it again just last year when we went on vacation camping up on the Boise river for a week. There was no one else around because we had gone clear up to head water almost. The spot was perfect, we had a area that we could swim and fish in. It was perfect. It only took about 24 hours before it all came back to us and did we have fun. Now I get to do it again on the road!!!!! Then we'll go camping again this summer.