TimeIsOfTheEssence's Journal

Gia laughed in amusement, parking the car as Ellie finally looked away from the other girl toward the outside of the movie theater. There were maybe ten posters on the outside of the white walls, most of which seemed to be animated. One that stuck out more than the others was a Jane Austen novel- one of Ellie's favorites. She pointed it out hopefully and was ecstatic to learn that Gia loved to read, and it was also one of her favorite novels.
    They went inside quickly, fighting against the cold, laughing heartily when they watched a young man fall flat on his backside in the snow at the other set of double-doors that lead inside, trying to look chivalrous for a very designer-looking girl that was probably his date. Before Ellie could say no Gia had bought their tickets, and in return, Ellie bought their popcorn and a large soft drink for them to share.
    Theater 11 was to the right and down a long, darkened hallway. People bustled about merrily as if there were not a few inches of snow outside. Ellie felt at ease with Gia, as if they had been bet friends for years, instead of awkward acquaintances for only two chance meetings and a movie.
    Ellie followed behind Gia like a dog on a leash, letting her pick the seats at the very top of the movie theater. She always felt a little creeped out while walking into a dark movie theater- it felt like danger was lurking down every aisle, like some kind of twisted horror movie. She stayed close on Gia's heels as if the smaller girl could protect her if anything bad happened.
    They sat down, Ellie on the left and Gia on the right, situating the popcorn and soda between them. With the theater already dark, previews already almost over, it was hard to even see Gia's face. Ellie accidentally brushed her hand against the other girl's as she reached for the soda, and the electric shock that shot through her fingers, up her arm, and through her whole body left her breathless. She immediately pulled her fingers away, clasped her hands on her lap, and turned her face toward the gigantic screen in front of her.
    Like any Jane Austen story, love prevailed after much drama, and Ellie found herself wishing that she had picked out a poster of a comedy or even one of the animated children's film- she felt awkward, small, weak, and painfully aware of every single move that Gia made. When Gia leaned to her left, closer to Ellie, Ellie couldn't help but breathe in the heady scent of lavender rolling off of the other girl. When Gia sighed, Ellie watched the rise and fall of the other girl's chest beneath her indigo shirt, admiring the perfect crescents of her cleavage just below the lace of the camisole. When Gia turned to smile at her, Ellie turned her eyes forward again, pretending that she had been watching the movie all along, as if it could even compare to the beauty of the girl that sat just inches to her right.
    She wanted to touch her again- even if for the briefest moment- so she watched out of the corner of her eye, waiting impatiently for Gia to reach into the tub of popcorn. She reached into it just at the same time, letting herself keep the contact for longer than necessary. Gia looked over at Ellie with a curious expression- Ellie couldn't place the emotion there, couldn't even imagine what Gia could be thinking, and so she finally pulled her hand back and went on watching the movie, having forgotten to take popcorn.
    The movie passed slowly, the air charged with an electric current that seemed to flow out of Gia's skin, making Ellie itch to touch her every other minute. For the most part Ellie could contain herself... other times, Ellie found herself leaning a bit too far to the right. Gia never said a word about it- in fact, she didn't seem to mind too much.
    Meanwhile, on the screen, love was found, love was lost, love created insane agony, and love came back again. Eventually the on screen couple finally proclaimed their mutual affections and became engaged, at which point Ellie bawled like a baby, and Gia smiled at her and reached over to wipe Ellie's face with the back of her sleeve. The tears abated immediately as Ellie's skin burn from her cheek to her chin, the same path that the red-head's hand had traveled. She almost reached up to take Gia's hand but thought better of it after a moment.
    The movie ended with a kiss.
    Ellie looked at Gia, Gia looked awkward, and the lights came on slowly. Everyone clapped and many sniffled and laughed at their own crying. Ellie's eyes never left Gia, and neither of them stood, clapped, or sniffled.
    Soon the movie theater cleared and a worker came to clean up, broom and dust pan in hand. He didn't even notice the two girl at the top of the theater, staring at each other in silence. To anyone else it would have seemed awkward. To Ellie, it just... was. What it was to Gia was not something Ellie could figure out. After a good four minutes had passed in this way, Ellie finally stood up and offered Gia her hand to pull her up.
    When Ellie started walking, Gia did not pull away. Instead, her grip tightened, her fingers slid between Ellie's, and Ellie's heart swelled so much that she was sure her rib cage was going to puncture it. They walked out of theater 11 that way, but once they got to the main hall, Ellie took her hand back. She didn't want to but she couldn't help it- she couldn't hold the other girl's hand in such a public place. She wasn't sure if she even should at all.
    She chanced a small glance at Gia, both of them still silent, both of them bright red, one of them looking strangely unsure and slightly upset. Ellie immediately felt terrible- but she just couldn't. She was not... gay...
    You might as well accept it and just be who you are, El. She showed interest and you turned her down. I'm sure that interest won't be shown again. But maybe it's for the best... being gay does not fit in with your lifestyle.
    Ellie stifled the thoughts, knowing that whether or not it fit in, she was, and Gia's hand in hers had been the highlight of her life, even if it had only lasted for a minute.
    
***

    When they got to the car, the sun was just beginning to set, and they still hadn't said a word to each other- not about the movie, not about holding hands, not about the plan for the evening... not one word.
    Ellie was becoming extremely nervous. She had done something wrong.
    "So uhm... what do you want to do?" Gia finally asked, clearing her throat softly before she spoke. She didn't look at Ellie as the words tumbled out in a rush, as she turned the key in the ignition and the tranquil music began to play in the background again.
    "I don't know," Ellie said honestly, her own eyes unable to look anywhere but at the other girl. How could she make things better? Was it even meant as Ellie had taken it? Ellie knew nothing about any of this.
    "Oh," Was all Gia said. A few minutes passed, she pulled out of the parking space and began to drive, then- "I'm sorry for what I did. I hope I didn't upset you."
    It was obvious now to Ellie, even with her extreme inexperience when it came to falling for girls, that Gia wanted to take those words and swallow them back up. She looked like she hurt more than she had possibly 'upset' Ellie. Actually, Ellie was surprised to find it a lot easier to read Gia when she thought of her in terms of 'girl' like herself, and not 'someone I like'.
    "No- no you didn't upset me, I-"
    "I just... sometimes I overstep boundaries and I don't mean to, and I didn't mean to make you uncom-"
    "You didn't, I promise! Listen, I-"
    "You don't have to explain, I would have pulled back too, I mean if I had just met me... plus I'm a girl and-"
    "Will you shut up?" Ellie finally said, loud enough to actually get her point across. Gia was babbling a mile a minute, looking close to tears, eyes focused on the snowy road. "Pull off at this exit. Park at the abandoned pizza place."
    Gia didn't say a word now. A tear fell down her cheek and she swiped at it furiously, looking quickly to see if Ellie had noticed- of course she had noticed, how could she not? How could she take her eyes off of Gia?
    Gia parked the car by the abandoned building where it was dark, pulled her legs up underneath her in the driver's seat, and took a deep breath. The music played a ridiculously perfect song in the background, one that was classy and instrumental, with lyrics that would make anyone feel alive and in love.
    "Will you look at me, Gia?" Ellie asked, turning to face the younger girl fully. Gia turned her face a tiny bit, decided that what she saw was generally safe, then turned to face the girl in the passenger seat. She only was able to keep eye contact for maybe fifteen seconds before she looked down at her hands, which were holding her ankles as she sat crossed-legged.
    "I am sorry."
    The words sounded small, terrified, mortified, and adorable. Ellie smiled and laughed, shaking her head from side to side in amazement. Gia finally looked up, her mouth wide in horror. As she watched Ellie, her own mouth couldn't help but turn up in anxiousness.
    "You don't get it," Ellie said, wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes. "There is nothing to be sorry for. I didn't pull away because I didn't want you to hold my hand."
    Gia looked beyond confused now. "I don't understand."
    Ellie stopped laughing, her gaze one of adoration. She was just getting to know this girl and already she was smitten- she had never been hit this hard with a crush before, not with anyone.
    "I'm just not sure about the whole openly... whatever... thing," Ellie said, unsure of how to word their situation. Comprehension dawned on Gia's face, worry vanishing as what could only be described as hope filling it's place.
    "So you... I didn't..."
    "No. You didn't. I wanted to hold your hand."
    To prove her point, Ellie sat up straight, leaned across the car, and took Gia's hands in her own. It felt right, even if it was wrong. It felt real, more real than anything else in her small world ever had. She felt her heart racing in her chest, her pulse quickening, her breathing speeding up to follow the two. She could see her reflection shining back at her out of those emerald eyes and nothing in the world felt this right- nothing ever had. She felt... happy.
    "I really like you, Gia. I've never liked a girl before." Ellie said, looking at their hands, at Gia's eyes, back at their hands.
    "I have... that's why we moved," Gia said that same small voice, though the smile on her face shined brighter than the setting sun. "My mother thought it would go away. But this is... it's who I am. I forget that other girls aren't open like I am."
    Gia leaned a little closer.
    "Can I... can I kiss you?" She asked tentatively, still coming closer. She was far enough away for Ellie to see all of her clearly, but close enough to feel her warm breath on her face.
    Ellie didn't respond with words.
    She closed the distance and softly put her lips on Gia's, her eyes closing as she did so. Everything she was feeling doubled- her heart soared- her body reacted in such a violent way that she was completely taken off-guard. She wanted Gia. She had never felt want. She had never felt anything below the waist... nothing like this, not even close.
    Gia's mouth moved against Ellie's, letting go of the brunette's hands to bring them up into her hair and pull her face tighter against hers. She parted Ellie's lips with her tongue and let it slide into her mouth, playing against Ellie's tongue. Ellie couldn't breathe.
    Ellie had to pull away to catch her breath, to make her head stop spinning, to make her body stop screaming.
    Sitting there in that beat down tan car, in the presence of an angel, Ellie could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and for the first time in her entire life, she felt alive.