151's Journal

 So a couple days ago Vince came over & showed me a new ipod that he bought, it pissed me off because I keep telling him that I want him to save money for baby stuff. I feel helpless because i don't have a job & I don't want him to wait until the last minute, because that's stressful & he won't be able to effort it all at once. Then my family will have to pay more then I would like & I'll feel so bad even though they can afford it.  I want to get a crib soon because it's the most expensive and essential thing. People that are due later than me have their whole nurseries set up, I know march 5th is awhile away but it comes fast. I told him a week ago i wanted to look at cribs this weekend he agreed & then he buys an ipod ugh. He said he would give the money for it, but I don't want to do it all alone when he's working and I'll have to ask my uncle to take me & he'll be all akward about it. I also want to start looking at close and stuff but he's not into it. We never fight & we got in a huge fight over it. We would make up and then it would be brought up the next day and the next. My friends baby dady once bought a video game system and games $500 when she was pregnant, so I'm really happy that it was 100 not 500 but still. I feel like my family is looking down apon me because I'm pregnant again, I hate it when they bring up names, they do it in this rude non excited way. I don't want to talk about it, I'm so tiered of it. The only time I want to think about my pregnancy is when my son kicks me. I don't even want to get stuff anymore because I'm the only excited one. My mom somtimes acts excited but then she put me down about it, like I said she's fucking crazy. I have no idea what goes through her head, thank god lol. So my cusions left this weekend to go to a swim meet, so I was home all alone all weekend :( My grandma left me when we used to go to dinner together on the weekend now she doesn't take me any where. So it's been just me and the dog, I havn't even gotten dressed in days and the one day I did(on friday) was to go to kfc and it's lieraly less than a block from me. I'm so pathetic. I also miss Grant alot, I'm so sad that he just desserted me. I loved him, but I didn't pick him and when Vince & I fight I regret that. I wish Grant was here, the old him, not the stripper dating, pussy wiped sell his motorcyle Grant, but my Grant. I feel like he died and there this new doosh bag. What happened to the guy who called me & asked me if I was Ok after my misscariage and brought me Taco bell at 1am(because he got off at that time & used my washer) & who's going to go driving in the hills with me? & the beach & carles Jr and sing mr humpty?& go hikeing& love my dog as much as I do? I guess he just thought of me sexualy and deserted me when I got pregnant again, it hurts. If he comes back I don't know if I want him in my life.